Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Remember when she was still hot...

MJ and Britney, circa 2001. This was the Britney Spears that lead me to purchase the Crossroads DVD. Incredible how 6-8 years can change things. Shackooww..

Without MJ around anymore, now there is nobody alive that can totally rock the white socks black shoes. Nobody. Obviously grandpas and crusty physics teachers dont count. He was the only one who could ever pull it off.

Monday, June 29, 2009

India didnt tell me MJ died

I was a little annoyed this weekend... sad mood, downtrodden, but also a wee bit bitter. I found out Michael Jackson died, but very late, way after everyone else. All because India didnt even tell me.

You see, India and me, we are not on very good terms to begin with. I always seem to get sent there for the worst jobs, in the middle of the jungle kinds, where monkeys actually do throw crap at you, Holy Cows wander right into the middle of the street traffic like they own the place, and there is the ever present danger of a 5 meter long King Cobra killing me by just looking at me, and me dying from fright. (I swear, the venom, that wont kill me, its my poor heart from sheer horror)

Well its been almost 2 years since my last trip to India though, and since then Slumdog Millionaire happened. I decided to like India again, give it a second chance. I armed myself with the Slumdog Millionaire soundtrack on my iPod, and with "Jai Ho" and "O... Saya" blasting in my ear drums, while I walked around in the heat and humidity, I was feeling good and ready for reconciliation. How can you not like a place with A.R. Rahman blasting as your life soundtrack? Its almost impossible not to be in a good mood. I even started bobbling my head loosy like Great Tiger in Mike Tysons Punchout.

India refused to cooperate though. My project, this was a commissioning job, went to shit. I was in the middle of nowhere of the Maharashtra region, Chandrapur to be specific. Nothing went right, everything went wrong with the job. And add to that I got Delhi Belly... also known as Put-parut-puts. This was going exactly the same as the 3 previous jobs I had in India.... up shit creek.

And I was giving India a chance this time. I really was, I was ready for water to pass under the bridge, had no preconceptions. But India just smiled and slapped me back. I did feel good though, or relieved maybe the better word, when I was finally on the way back to Ireland. I had a day layover in Mumbai, staying at the Intercontinental Hotel Marine Drive. Somehow I lucked out with the Penthouse room, with the bay view. Maybe India was making it up to me. And up on the roof that night, I had a great time drinking Kingfishers at lounge bar. Actually, it was a pretty good scene, roof top bar, perfect nighttime landscape view of Marine Drive Mumbai, great energy with all the younger Mumbai's clientele, all dressed up, good DJ pumping good music: so save the view and heat, I felt like I was at the Shark Club in Surrey (haha.. thats funny.. I apologize, but you gotta admit, thats funny). I was relaxed, enjoying myself, on this one night, trying to make up for the previous 5 shitty days.

India was being sneaky though, by lulling me with drink and great atmosphere, it was hiding from me that the most famous person in the world, the King of Pop had died. Nothing was on TV about it, only stupid choreographed bollywood singing n dancing and of course cricket news. No one was talking about it on the street even (well not in English anyways, maybe they were in Hindi, but what good is that to me?) I didnt actually find out until I got back to Ireland, when my taxi driver who picked me up at Dublin Airport, on the drive back home, had mentioned it in passing. So thats how I find out? In a taxi? 48 hours after the fact?

Me and India... we are divorced. Thats it.. dead to me.

MJ Personal Facts:
Favorite Song: Human Nature
Favorite Attire: Smooth Criminal- white suit with, top hat and black armband.
Favorite 'Non crotch grab' Dance Move: The anti gravity lean.
Favorite Character: Scarecrow in the Wiz, (Captain EO a close second)
Favorite ExWife: Lisa Marie Presley
Favorite suspiciously caucasian looking offspring: "Blanket"
Favorite Neverland Ranch ride: Ferris Wheel.

Now I have to say goodbye forever to one of my favorite artists of all time. Its a shame though that the man, however bizarre, has been ridiculed for almost 20 years, and its only at his time of death that people start to create a relationship with him again. Go read Lisa Marie's blog Post from Friday, its an interesting and intimately revealing read.

Friday, June 26, 2009

Cheers Chicago Redux

Heres an entertaining email thread between me and Marty Chow:

Marty Writes:

Do you listen to the BS Report?
Well Simmons and Kevin Wilde are playing one of my favorite games: Recasting movies/tv shows with current actors. The one they are working on is Cheers… And I totally disagree with the names they're throwing out right (Amy Smart or Rachel Bilson = Diane, Rosie Perez = Carla) but the problem is I'm pretty much stumped myself. I like their idea of Chicago Cheers. And the Black Norm and Cliff… any ideas?
Sam -
Diane - Tina Fey
Coach -
Woody - Andy Samberg
Fraser -
Norm -
Cliff -
Carla -
Rebecca -
Here's my recast for A-team
Hannibal = George Clooney
Face = Matthew McConaughey
BA = Ice Cube
Murdoch = Jim Carey (Circa: Ace Ventura)
And here's the rumored cast:
Hannibal = Liam Neeson
Face = Bradley Cooper
BA = Common
Murdoch =


Noli Replies:


HAHA.. I was just thinking about that too when I listened to that
podcast... brilliant!! I knew you were a good friend for a reason...

check mine out below.. what do you think?

> Sam - Mathew McConaughy! solid
> Diane - Tina Fey --> nonono.. diane haa to be prissy uppity, I say Katie Holmes kills it.
> Coach - a bit senile / clueless ---> Craig T Nelson
> Woody - Andy Samberg ---> andy is too popculture funny --> I actually go JT, he play dumb good, he has that stupid innocent look down pat.. hes from the south. Memphis.
> Fraser - Colin Firth
> Norm - Cedric the Entertainer
> Cliff - Ricky Gervais
> Carla - mean streak kinda girl- sharp tongue, biting - Darlene from Rosanne, Sara Gilbert
> Rebecca - She needs work these days - Tiffany Amber-Theissen.. Kelly Ka-wow-ski.

I think I nailed it.....


Marty Replies:


Nice work. I like your side notes. They help me brainstorm.
I'll take some - leave some though buffet style.

I'm down with-
Sam - Mathew McConaughy
Although what do you think of the Rock? Who has bigger comedy chops?

Hmmm Prissy uppity... Katie Holmes
I don't know. Plus I wouldn't buy the McConaughy - Holmes romance.
Prissy uppity is more Jessica Alba. I'll buy McConaughy-Alba or
Rock-Alba any day.

Coach - a bit senile / clueless ---> Craig T Nelson
You know what... You're onto something... But you gotta go with that
other coach on Coach... Jerry Van Dyke.

I don't agree with JT as Woody... JT is too cool for Woody. I'm sticking
with Andy Samberg and if not him then Ashton Kutcher... Think about it.
Kelso was Woody. Woody was Kelso. Shoe fits.

Fraser - Colin Firth... Ya, I guess you can enter "older british guy
with accent" here.

Norm - Cedric? I don't know his resume very well... But as far as funny
fat guys go, I'd rather see Charles Barkley as Norm.

Cliff - Ricky Gervais ... Good call but what about Steve Carall?
Wouldn't that be a better fit? But if we have Barkely as Norm, don't we
have to go with AC Green as Cliff? I bet AC still lives with his mom.

Carla - mean streak kinda girl- sharp tongue, biting - Darlene from
Rosanne, Sara Gilbert. Nailed it. Done. However, If we want a younger
version, then we go with Sara Gilbert 2.0: Ellen- That pregnant girl
from Juno- Page. Or if we want an older version we go with Sara Gilbert
Beta: Janeane Garofalo. But I'm down with Sara. Sign her. Well, figure
out her real name... Then sign her.

Rebecca - I'm saying next on TAT. What's the criteria for Rebecca?


Noli Replies:


You dont like TAT? I figure with the bossy way she ruled the peach
pit at night.. she could pull off the bossy up front, but insecure
kinda women... plus, shes the kinda girl that could gain weight later
in the show... like the original rebecca.. plus she doesnt have to be
funny. Rebecca wasnt funny in the original, even when she tried to
be.

Im liking the Rock.. yeah.. pretty good.. but I always see him as a "I
pick up chicks because Im a good looking fit jock / Kobe / Jeter
entitled" kinda way... not in the "Im smooth and sly and funny and
witty and talk my way into girls beds" kinda way.

Yeah you might be right about the non chemistry with Holmes and Matt..
but umm.. its too bad cuz shes kinda Dianish now, this robot Tom
Cruise version anyways.

Alba is too easy. and I love her too much. Shes like saying Megan
Fox. Diane.. she had to grow on you after awhile and be kinda
funny..Alba has you melted the moment you see her, and the last time
she tried to be funny she was in a stupid movie with goof Dane Cook.
They need to hate each other in the beginning too, an opposites
attract kinda thing.. so... hmmm.. kate hudson is good, but thats
already been done in a movie, a shitty one I might add. Who then?
Ill be unconventional and go... mila kunis

Ashton? Remember Woody needs to be likable. He cant be a douchebag
ass that pranks people... even when he played dumb, he was macking
chicks. Rather have andy sandberg...

Norm: i figured we needed a black guy.... although this could easily be Seth Rogan.

Coach: Im like Van Dyke. Hes old too.. and theres a chance he might
pass away like the other coach..

Cliff: Steve Carrall good call. I was thinking him, but he already
has a show. You cant have two shows. Its not like hes Heather
Locklear doing TJ Hooker and Dynasty at the same time. Hes not a girl
whose smoking hot for her generation... cant be done.

Carla - great back up casting call with Juno..

Off to india in about 3 hours, just in case you reply and I dont reply
back right away...


Marty Replies:


I was drafting this email at work all morning yesterday and then I got swamped before I could send it out. Plus I needed time to think about the stragglers. And definite GONG on Mila Kunis-Caulkin.

DONE:
Carla: Sara Gilbert
Coach: Jerry Van Dyke

ALMOST THERE:
Norm: Seth Rogen- I thought of Seth too but I thought he was almost too much like the original Norm. Like you're trying to have a Norm look-a-like contest. But I like him cause Norm and Cliff are like one entity. An ensemble cast of 2. And Seth is the ultimate half duo. Think of his recent theatrical pairings. Rogen-Rudd, Rogen-Franco ... Which leads me into

Cliff: Bill Hader. Rogen-Hader in Superbad as the cops was a good 1-2 punch. They're not lame slapstick. But not exactly intellectual comedy either. They've got good chemistry and they feed off each other. Plus as an entity they're not the type that's gonna come in an try to dominate the show. They're like 6th men. Coming in off the bench like a Manu for big moments but recognizes it's Tim's team... After all this is Sam's show.

NOT QUITE THERE:
Sam: I thought McConaughy was too big for the show. Why grind the schedule of a TV sitcom with the same tired cast when you can travel the world doing sappy RomComs rotating through co-stars as girlfriends. BUT he's entering Charlie Sheen territory. That stage of his career where he may need to do TV to stay relevant. Considering that McConaughy Redux - Bradley Cooper is about to explode with the success of the Hangover, McConaughy will need the work. Cooper's already locked for Faceman in the A-team movie. And that was McConaughy's role. BUT... Huge thing to consider... Simmon's choice for Sam was Vince Vaughn. A perfect fit for Chicago Cheers. David Wooderson vs Trent. I go with T. He made Gretzky's head bleed.

AND THE STRAGGLERS: The important castings pretty much done. There's enough star power to carry the show. Now we need fillers. I'm just gonna throw out names...

Diane- Upitty priss slumming it as a server- You know who would be perfect? Jennifer Aniston. She would have crazy chemistry with Vince like in the Break-up. They had that Love-Hate thing that Sam and Diane had. Aniston has that uppity too good for serving quality (probably too close to Rachel Green). It would never happen though. So I'll throw out Jeannie Garth.

Frasier- Middle Age, intellectual, shrink- Stumped. To the point where I googled "Movie Shrinks" and got the following list: http://www.listal.com/list/shrinks-abhijeet The only names that did it for me though were Billy Crystal, Robin Williams and Richard Dreyfuss. Crystal would take over the show with star power and Williams would dominate with over the topness. How about Dick Drey? He's probably looking for work.

Rebecca: Bossy up front, but insecure: Maggie Gyllenhaal or Jennifer Love Hewitt

Woody- Young, likeable, naïve- I'm going with one of the London brothers... Jason or Jeremy. I'm not sure which one though. We may as well cast both and interchange them like the Full House twins depending on which one is taking a nap.


Noli Replies:


Norm and Cliff = Seth and Bill.. Im completely liking that combo. So done..

And I love the London twins idea... brilliant. Why not have both? And
they are always on different shifts? The possibilities here are
promising, like they have the same personalities, but slightly
different, and the gags they could play, kinda like Parent Trap type
stuff... and not Lindsay Lohan parent trap, but more original Hayley
Mills Parent trap. I like this, great brain wave.

I think we are still stuck on Sam and Diane: Vince is good. Very
good, but arent we suppose to stay away from him because Simmons
picked him? We cant bite off Simmons, this whole email thread is
biting off him already, double biting, so not cool. Its resevered for
the 4th level of plagurism hell. Do we want to cross that line?
Would like to pick Vince, I would. But maybe we shouldnt, he's
already been called on dibs.

I think we should keep Wooderson on the table. But another
possibility, how about Robert Downey, JR. Sure I know hes Iron Man
and all, but we are playing pretend here, and he did do SNL for a year
in the 80s and Ally McBeal in the 90s, and hes wacky enough to go to a
star studded sitcom like this for the fun of it. I really think he
would. Especially if hes got the nose for coke again.

Robert downey, and if we pick him, then from his recent on screen
chemistry, then it would be awefully perfect to pick Gwenneth Paltrow
for Diane. A bit uppity, she is kinda high on herself, can plan funny
very good, and she looks like the kinda girl that would serve in a
bar, but feel above it all. Plus, if we stick to Wooderson, they
would be the type of people that would not get on at first. Wooderson
would be so into her, for the looks, but she'd deny him Diane-style
for being just a dumb jock. Eventually though, you know theyd hook
up.. I swear this is how it would of worked out if Matthew was a bar
owner instead of an actor, and Gwenneth was a side job waitress with
higher expectations instead of a entitled hollywood actress.

And for Rebecca, how about this... lets go a little french, Eva Green.
She plays tough very good in bond, and, ummm, lets face it, I would
love to see her once a week.

Are we whittling it down? I cant believe Im in India right now, and
all I preoccupied with is casting for a fake show...


Marty Replies:


Too busy to add commentary... But its interesting that we have all the funny people casted but non of the serious people locked.

Diane: Reese Witherspoon
Frasier: Hugh Laurie
Rebecca: Courtney Cox

DONE
Sam: Matthew McConaughy
Carla: Sara Gilbert
Coach: Jerry Van Dyke
Norm: Seth Rogen
Cliff: Bill Hader
Woody: The London Twins


Noli Replies:


I cant believe we dont have any of the girls nailed down, apart from Carla. At first you'd think that'd be the easy part... but really, as we just worked out... so kinda not...

Saturday, June 06, 2009

Spencer Pratt

What a complete and utter supreme douche bag.

(Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnd..Im done. My best blog post ever, I think. I havent even ever never watched dem Hills)