The Holy Month of Ramadan

Its no secret that I dislike Airplane food. Even in the upper classes, airplane food on the most part is barely edible, having the preparation quality of a 1980s frozen dinner. Im a guy though, and I can still eat, as my grandparents have always reinforced into me, you cant waste food. On my flight earlier today to Abu Dhabi from Sydney (connection point on my way back to Sunny Ireland), I made a mental note not to eat, and save myself for the much better food at Abu Dhabi airport. Fourteen hour Etihad Airways flight, I will be vigilant and withhold myself from nourishment, so that by the time I arrive at Abu Dhabi for my 3 hour connection stopover, I can eat blissfully, as opposed to oppressively in cramped conditions (no upgrade this time, how do I survive... I dont know).

By the time we were approaching Abu Dhabi for descent, I heard the following airplane announcement " allah akbar allah allah mahalay ohh sama ladin allah sama lakam" or something to that effect in arabic. Then the translation came.. "The captain has informed us that he is now preparing for our decent. Please return to your seats in preparation for landing. Also The United Arab Emirates is now observing the Holy Month of Ramadan. It will not be permitted to eat, drink or smoke during daylight hours".

Excuse me? WHAT!!!? Im not muslim, are you serious, Im starving, I just fasted for 14 hours already!! Nothing but drink and alcohol, which frankly makes you even MORE hungry, if starving for 14 hours wasnt enough. I looked outside the window, and it was 6am in the morning local time, it JUST turned daylight. Summabitch... what a disaster. A verifiable Disaster! It cant be, there must be an exception for us infidels, just like smoking rooms, there must be a "western eat and drink all you want during daylight hours" room. There must.. like comeon, youre killing me...

So as we decended I was getting the hunger sweats. I was getting hangry. I had no emergency snacks with me, and even if I did, would I be caught, and thrown into muslim jail for breaking the law and eating during daylight hours? Possibly tongue cut out? or beheaded? I dont know... sounds plausible though. Yet, if I had a Crunchie bar in my backpack, I was ready to be ninja elusive and risk it.

Walking off the plane, I couldn't help studying all the airport workers and airline personnel along the way. The grounds crew, the tarmac workers, the cleaner people. It looked dire. It was only maybe 30 minutes into daylight, and they all already looked oppressed and starving. Not a good sign. Not at all. And as I entered the Terminal, I immediately saw all the prayer rooms, with the locals kneeling and pointed east in prayer. Most definitely praying for the strength to survive a whole daylight period without eating. Thats what I would be praying for anyways. And as I acutely scanned around, there definitely was no one eating at all. So it turns out the airplane lady was not pulling an elaborate joke. Just then, I got a contraction and I could feel the angry acid in my stomach attacking my stomach walls.

So anyways, depressed, I walked the 20 minute walk to my departure gate. I think I was close to tears. The prospects were bleak, if I were to eat, I would have to wait at least another 4 hours for terrible airplane food, on the next flight to Dublin, but that flight was also Etihad Airways, and if they were not serving food the on ground, there was the possibility they would not serve food in the air either. That flight was another 8 hours to Dublin... so in total at the very worst, it would be another 12 hours before eating. I was getting a migrane.

As I was thinking these dreadful things, consumed in my own woe, I passed a Burger King that was open. And serving food, to people. Ah the Infidels of western commercial fast food culture! Praise Allah! Best Whopper EVER. Both of them.

So yeah anyways... Ill be preparing my Aussie NZ post soon enough... but I just had to say... that was really scary.

Killed it

Its official, I want to take it all back. The JK Wedding footage has completed been killed by over exposure. Absolutely murdered to death. Its too much. Way too much, TV appearances, global news references. It used to be so good, but now its turned into the MMmmmBop of Youtube videos. It was reenacted on Aussie TV! Aussie TV even! By Aussie Dancing with the Stars dancers! Like comeon... just stop.

By the way, Im in Australia...