BA Terminal 4 Gate 1 Terrace Lounge

Familiarity breeds contempt, so its now kardinal offishal... Heathrow is the 2nd worst airport in the whole wide world. (Kolkata Netaji Subhash Chandra Bose International Airport keeps the championship of the world belt, what can I say, its the lingering BO and the bobbleheading). Heathrow sucks. Transfering here between Terminals sucks. The instructions and signage suck. The people who work here suck, and their stuck-up pompy accents while lecturing you and not listening to your problems sucks (You know youve been in Ireland too long WHEN... you start hating the English) . The funny thing is Im saying this from the comfort of the BA Terrace Lounge, with free eats and free liquor... yet I still complain. That has to show you the level of suckiness... they give you free stuff and it stills sucksballchoppa.. (I will throw in a disclaimer before I continue, my exposure to the big American Hubs has been limited in the last two years.. namely LAX, JFK, LaGuardia, OHare and Hotlanta, etc airports that Ive on the most part sucessfully avoided so I still reserve the right to recast my vote if that lack of frequency changes)

Sad thing is I use to love this airport, because back in the day of the rare transatlantic trips from Canada, Heathrow was the symbol and gateway to Europe. Arriving Heathrow meant good things; hell, great things. European Vacations, London visits, Big Ben, Picadilly Circus.. my London London Bridge, wanna go down like, London london london .. etc etc.. Illsaynomore... but now I try to avoid it as much as possible and if I can travel through elsewhere (Schipol Airport Amsterdam is good. Charles DeGuille Paris not so much... but still marginally better than Heathrow, even though they are French) And again I blame George Dubya. If it wasnt for the increased global Muslim tensions, the supresssive security that is overtly prevalent in American airports would of not swung out to the rest of world. Heathrow is now just as bad as an American airport. Tony Blair got into bed with the wrong man.

By the way, I didnt get upgraded. Its welcome to cattle class. MOOOO... (Gawd I love being a snob. Being a snob rules)

Okay, I better go now, I need to get drunk off the open bar. And eat at the free buffet. And watch Chelsea football on the widescreen. This place really sucks...

(cyas soon)

British Airways World Traveller Plus Flight BA85

Hi, coming home tomorrow.

Cant wait. Again, help me pray for an upgrade... :P Im so feckin spoiled its actually dizzying...

c ya soon... contactable on text on my irish "mobile" +353879922031. Ill have a new number for home when i get there... lates yo..

Christmas in the Drunk Tank

It took me three Christmas', but I finally came around to it. My next Christmas song. As you may know, I tend to frame Christmas seasons in song. In the past two years Ive talked about my pantheon of xmas tunes: Do They Know its Christmas- Band Aid, Little Drummer Boy- David Bowie and Bing Crosby, Last Christmas- George Michael.

Considering that I live in Ireland though, Ive saved one for this year. Its the infamous Irish Folk band The Pogues and their Fairytale in New York. As far as Christmas goes, an Irish Christmas no less, its great craic. You see in Ireland, during the Christmas season, the one thing that everyone makes sure gets done, every family just gets pist drunk. I tell no lies. Really, in all honesty, getting drunk and going to mass; those are the two pillars of irish family christmas tradition. And the Pogues do a perfect job of capturing it in Song...

And the Pogues, are somewhat of an funny, abnormal story because of their somewhat controversial lead singer. Shane MacGowan is ugly as sin, with his big protruding ears, alley bum hair, pasty irish white feverish skin, hes the closest you can physically come to an Orc in facial construction. And his infamous teeth are the worst you would ever possibly see, teeth that would make an eskimo baby cry. He also insists on only singing drunk, he always sings with a drink in his hand, he always sings with a fag in his other hand, and to be honest, he really cant even sing very good, quite possibly the worst singer ever to make loads of money actually singing professionally. Its like the greatest magic trick of all time, making people think him singing is worth paying money for. But thats the Irish for ya, because he is a musical icon, a symbol of counter culture. And again, point and case, it joins my top list of christmas songs. figure that.

Now Itll be a stretch to figure something out for next year... not much left cept maybe Boney M.

No expansive xmas list this year Im afraid. I was twistedly dissappointed with the success rate of last year, a big Oh For. Ill quickly mention somethings though..

Nintendo Wii. PS3. Anything and Everything Cashmere. Any linens with a thread count above 300. Thick Luxury Terry Cloth Towels and Robe. Victorinox Rolly Briefcase. Dinners at top level restaurants. Canucks Tickets.

Mwahh...

India Part 2

Im thinking of shaving my moustache. Now getting rid of this stache... its like .. um... giving back a gold medal from the Cool Olympics. To be honest, its is so unbelievably bad.. its good. Its so completely insanely horrible (specially with my spacey asian facial hair) its feckin kewl. And I really like having it; for the craic, for shits n giggles, for the 'who gives a shit' attitude. Id actually post a picture of it, but it might crack your monitor, from all the overwhelming awesomeness...

Just got back two days ago from another week in India.. yet again, which actually inspired the moustache move. Really dreaded this trip actually going into it, considering how bad the last one went.. plus I was only booked in World Traveller Plus (Deluxe Economy) Seats for the flight... which is ASS. Granted its not exactly livestock cattle class like proper economy, but still. It wasnt going to be fun being back there with the plebs.

This time though it didnt turn out too bad. It helps knowing what youre getting into.. and with expectations already so low, everything better becomes icecream with a cherry on top. First I got upgraded on the way there, which brings us up to par for the course. Then this mill ended being way more organized and prepared than the other shit hole. Now saying this is like saying Tonya Lee Harding is better at boxing than Steven Hawkings... so we are talking barely competent here, but still... its a remarkable step up, given the differential as oppose to the absolute. There were minimal work delays, I had a PSP and a book to cover my downtime (just finished the Anansi Boys from Neil Gaiman... pretty okay. about 15% my way through PSP Grand Theft Auto). Also to top it all off, the temperature was not hell hot like last time, a decent 25-28C. And there were monkeys near the guest house complex. Monkeys!! Class, I tell you. Just dont stare them in the eyes and show your teeth... otherwise your in trouble...

And on the way back... I got Upgraded again. Poor Ronan didnt though, but oh well, what can you do. (HAHAHAHAHA.. thats really funny shit.. from my point o view anyways... he was a bear) So this time India was pretty good. I got my Darjeeling Tea too... and Assam Tea. Time to make some sweet sweet chai...

Rodrigo y Gabriela - Tamacun (Live)



Hi guys!

Want to introduce yous to Rodrigo y Gabriela. They play guitar. Very awesome like.

Hes more classic riff, shes more percussion strumming Raul Midon kinds... and together they put on the best live instrumental show you will ever experience. I promise. Even though they are Mexican, they rock the house here in Europe everywhere they go, playing their own stuff along with Metallica, Led Zeppelin and Pink Floyd. If you ever get a chance... GO (Dec 15, Chop Suey, Seattle, hint hint, nudge nudge, saynomore saynomore) Just watching her play makes me go crazy... that percussion slap strumming shit so freakin hard. So unreal its irritating... arghh.. soo good I want to punch a stranger in the face...

If you want to be more impressed how hard it is... watch the tutorial below..



Takeitease...

Back in my own bed

Again lack of posts while I was in Australia. Surprise surprise, To be honest though, as you all know by now, Im a lazy mo fo, and its extremely "climb mt. everest" difficult to blog when you are in a place like that. Hmm... its no contest comparing between sitting at a computer and typing to screwing around on the beach and enjoying some great cities... no chance, its like a main event of Lennox Lewis vs Manny Pacquiao... Giselle vs Hugo's Girlfiend on Lost .

Im back now though. And I dont think there is anything like actually sleeping in your own bed after being 5 weeks away. And really its a funny thing to say... because its not like ive been sleeping on floors and lodging in hostels.. quite the contrary, as Ive been lucky enough to be running the gamit of quality hotels for over a month, Pan Pacific, Hyatt, Swissotel, etc... which are all freakin amazing with beds the size of wrestling rings, breakfast in bed, flat screen TVs... but still. It might sound idiotic, but it was nice to come back to my own bed, even though its not as comfortable and I dont have maids that clean my room every day anymore. Its mine though and i dont have to live out of a suitcase, which is why it means that much more.

SO... Ozzie trip was kindof a balls up... I set really high expectations for myself by trying to get to Cairns and Brisbane and Whitsundays... none of which actually happened. I got called back to Ireland the moment I arrived in New Zealand, which was a fuckin bummer. oh well, what can you do. Had a whole 4 days of chillin in New Zealand though, between Auckland and Whakatane (which is amazingly pronounced "Fuck-a-tawny", instantly becoming my new favorite city of all time). In some ways the country did depress me a little... in terms of self awareness; everybody there was so freakin fit, running and kayaking and swimming n shit. Geez.. going to bed at 9pm, everyone waking up 6am to go for the morning run.. moms dads grandmas... even kids! I tell ya when I was 12, the last thing I wanted to every do was run. Running was not fun. Id run while playing sports no problem... but the only thing I ever woke up early for was Spiderman and his Amazing Friends.

And Melbourne was class, very impressed with that town, absolutely stunning. In many ways better than Sydney because it had more character and culture. Plus the shopping was gonzo savage. Randy Macho Man Savage. It was that good. And I never ate so WELL. Brilliant restaurant after brilliant restaurant... surprisingly a step up from the already sublime Sydney scene. Nicole would go shit-nuts. And with Rod Laver arena under my belt, I have gone 3 for 4 on the Tennis Majors. Only Flushing Meadows to go...

Not bad for a country of socially confident but concealed pompous lazy jerks. (I kid I kid. Well maybe just a little. The women are lovely)

Melbourne

Off to Melbourne tomorrow, and then Auckland Thursday. A few observations:

-Dont understand why when Irish leave Ireland, they frequent only Irish bars. Was at Scruffy Murphys in Sydney, and half the people were in Gaelic Football jerseys. I cant identify or relate to this mentality. Ronan has been drunk all weekend in Irish bars, getting liquored up with Corkman, Kerryman, Dubman, Donegalman, Mayoman, Galwayman... personally when Im away, I like to see the country Im in... call me loco...

-Asians with Aussie accents still mess me up. I will never ever get used to this. English accents, I can finally accept... but not this... it perplexes me beyond my mental boundaries... like just stop it...

-After being in Australia, dreading even more the return to India. DREADING... like ive said before, good with a backpack... absolute crap when on business with luggage.

Hopefully after NZ, Ill get a chance to checkout Surfers Paradise, Cairns and Whitsundays. Surprisingly no pictures yet either. Im being so so so lame... but up until Friday its been all business mode. Now just settling into take a break and recover mode... it kicks ass on Business mode.

Gortu Mortu, whats the score? 4-2

I just read my last few India posts. I was a little morbid. Not to say India was terrible or anything but a few unfavorable factors added up that my will could not overcome and thus destroyed my soul... Let me review:

-India is in the middle of a dengue fever and malaria epedemic, so I was constantly applying DEET, deathly afraid of getting bitten by mozies. When we were in the country side, I wasnt as scared because it was a bit safer and cleaner, but in Kolkata (or is it Calcutta?), we wouldnt even leave the hotel unless there was a fire. Only then is it safe, because the smoke would drive them away, styles....

-The beauracracy in India is unbelievable. Obtaining my Visa was a complete nightmare, as the Indian Embassy in Dublin is the most useless Embassy in the whole world. Why even it exists, I have no clue, because they refuse to do anything for you. And then dealing with guards once in India was headwrecking. At the Airport for example, there were guards stationed at the entrance, and when it was time to leave, they wouldnt let us in because our tickets were for a different date. I tried to explain that we had flexible tickets and that we changed our departure on the phone with Singapore airlines but they were having nothing of it. I couldnt even go to the Singapore airlines desk, because it was IN the airport... and we were still OUT of the airport. Complete rubbish, since when do you need a ticket just to enter the Airport?. When we actually somehow got past those guys... there was another guard to enter the Checkin area. He wouldnt let us in either... ridiculous!!!

-Everyone in India has a moustach. Even some girls. And I dont trust people that eat with their hands and have moustaches.

-I was expecting, at least semi-frequently, for moments when music would start playing and crowd of people to form up and break out in coreagraphed dance, lined up, with girls on one side and guys on the other... but this didnt even happen ONCE! Incredible... bollywood lies.

- At the paper mill guesthouse we had no selection and ate the same food for every meal, everyday. I was CRAVING Macdonalds after 4 days.

Never so relieved to be back in Singapore and then now Sydney. Felt like shit the whole time too because the food made me piss out of my ass 12 times a day. Between that and the sweating 5 Litres a day... I cant believe I only lost 6 lbs. I was hoping for much more.

Kolkata

Im pretty drunk.... and if there is One thing I learned in India for the first time... never ever get pissed drunk when you have diahrea because when you pee... you seem to loosen other bodily functions unknowlingly....

so I hear... not based on personal experiences.. nuh uh..

Indian Times

This is my first and only post from India. In the Assam region at the moment... No internet access, no mobile access, no outside world access, no craic... not impressed... depressed...

I better go leave now and slit an artery...

The Four Floors of Whores

Im in Singapore again just arrived; this place is quickly becoming my second home town. The trip over was really rough though because of a current spell of sinus infection, so it felt like my eyes were going to pop out for extended stints, which is as rough as things can get when you sit in the front bus (Sometimes I like to entertain myself and peek through the curtain to check out the plebs sitting in the back. Poor souls, look like bloody sardines back there)

So 2 flights of the 14 are done on this Boston marathon of trips. 12 more to go, its like I just rounded the corner of the first turn... Here are the trip deets: weekend in the Singapore (now), then Week for India job, then week off, then week for Australia job, then week off, then week for India job #2, then weekend in Singapore, then go home. For some of the time during the weeks off Im deciding between going to two locations, either Philippines or New Zealand. Tough call, really, Itll be a game time decision.

This time Singapore, I decided to stay at the Orchard Hotel. The infamous Four Floors of Whores is across the street. Or, uh... so I heard. Dont know nothing about that though... just been told by people... complete coincidence... definitely..

Role Call

Present: Michael Jordan. Boris Becker. George H.W. Bush.
Missing: Me.

Ryder Cup, Day Two.

Ryder Cup Depression

Im absolutely shattered. The Ryder Cup is starting up only down the road from me; well about 100 km away actually but in relation to how far Augusta is, that might as well be only 2 inches. Eldrick, Lefty, Sergio, Padraig, Eldricks wife, Leftys wife... all down the street from me. And it doesnt look good that Ill be able to go. Not for the lack of effort or opportunity.. I have set my limit though to 250 euros for a day ticket, and even though I started looking early, like last January.. that kind of money doesnt even come close to being significant. Id need to at least double it. Ive entered every draw possible to win tickets, but I should of known that was no use because I havent won anything in my life.

The biggest blow came today when I was talking to our Global Sales Manager for ABB Paper Automation. I pushed his buttons for the possibility of any tickets, knowing he wouldnt cross the road himself for a golf match unless they were playboy bunnies playing with footjoy gloves and nothing else. Anyways, he proceeded to tell me that he returned 4 corporate tickets months ago meant for executives of US customers, all because those silver spoon big wigs could not ethically justify crossing the ocean for a sporting event, as much as they wanted to. Returned four tickets. Then he tells me, another two of his tickets are probably going to waste this weekend because a CEO from another Swedish customer cant make it last minute, but the tickets are already in his name, so no one else can use them. TWO ALL WEEKEND TICKETS TO THE RYDER CUP GOING TO WASTE FROM MY COMPANY. I just projectile vomited on my floor...

Small inkling of hope, during lunch he said he can check to see what he could do if I was interested in going down to the K Club... I proceded to tell him Id show up even if there were gail force winds. But in reality, since this is coming from the mother hen of sales guys... mr slick rick... i think hes just blowing smoke up my ass... and the stupid thing is, I bet its gonna rain harsh all weekend, which means all the fairweathers will not be showing up, wasting their passes. Like I said, I would show up if it was Hurricane Katrina... yet most of the people that actually have tickets dont give two shits unless its sunny. Might as well line up a class room of kindergarden kids, and let them kick me in the balls, one after the other.

Passe Compose

Hi. In the paragraphs below, I will begin to complain, as to solicit some sympathy.

Just got back from a short 3 day trip to Marseille France, and I was looking forward to good Mediterranean weather, some good wine and Foie Gras. Instead? I got partly cloudy, overcast, and muggy weather. Complete bullocks.. didnt stop me and Ronan though (work mate) from renting a Mini Cooper Convertible and driving everywhere with the rag top down so my hair can blow ( have I told you that I love expensing work? love it) and zipping around like a go cart on the 130 kmph motorways. See rational was that we needed to get a small car to save on gas (petro). Belieh dat.

Travelling component of the trip was frustrating though because my sinuses are still inflamed from the mighty cold/flu of last week, which meant that my head was going to feel like it was stuck in a anaconda on the plane, for the whole duration of the flights. Not only that but I had 4 flight segments total, because there is a connection through Paris to get to Marseille that day. Thats garbage really, its like flying to Portland from Vancouver, but having to transfer over in Seattle. What a waster... plus it meant that I would have 4 flights were my head was being squeezed to shit with sinus pressure, rather than just two. I live a hard life.

I also found out that Im going back to Australia next month... sandwiched in between two trips to the middle of butt-fuck India (translation of crude speak: the middle of the jungle in the Assam region, which makes more sense if you took the beginning of the word... ASS region). So Ill be gone for 5 weeks this time? Hella insane... I need a bigger suitcase. (more details to follow as i find out more)

SYDNEY UPDATE: (Finally)

Gorgeous city, loved it tons, although a guy tried to kiss me on the dance floor of a bar when he was just walking by. Ill have to say that Im so glad my reflexes were not impaired enough by that point yet, skillfully seeing the pitch, and making the slip under dynamic bogeying circumstances. Managed to also smoothly transition it into a deadly robot sequence... I rule.

Mostly hung out in the city loads, the hotel was only 2 blocks away from Circular Quay. Got lucky and weather was insane good, especially considering it was officially the middle of winter. As good as it was, the thing with going to places for work is, is for most of it you need to... well... work (waster). And in order to maximize the experience, this is where I aptly used one of my travel techniques... never travel on the weekends for work. This way there is always at least the weekend to jump around. I needed to be in Sydney by Monday? No sweat, Ill travel on Thursday, so all the travelling happens on working days. I keep my weekends to myself, which just happens to be in some random Cosmopolitan city. Done work on a Friday? No sweat, leave the Monday, cuz I dont travel no weekends. Full stop. (Well unless you really want to get back fast that is, which applies to shitty destinations like Rwanda or Regina)

And if the bosses dont like it, well, we are after all put out of our way when we travel. So I try not to conceded.

Two words. Corey Hart. Never Surrender... ( Song in your head now? Yes!!! haha... :D )

"Just a little more time is all we're asking for
Cause just a little more time could open closing doors
Just a little uncertainty can bring you down
And nobody wants to know you now
And nobody wants to show you how
So if you're lost and on your own
You can never surrender
And if your path won't lead you home
You can never surrender
And when the night is cold and dark
You can see, you can see light
Cause no-one can take away your right
To fight and never surrender "

Make people happy

Okay finally a new update. Jill got mad and said I had to post something new because the Aussie Oy was pissing her out. Fine. Hope shes happy.

Been depressed actually. Coming back to Ireland after being in Sydney got me depressed, Sydney was just too good. Plus the days are getting shorter. Plus its starting to rain more. Plus I seem to be getting more and more sniffles, culminating in me getting dog sick flu plus fever on Monday. I HATE taking care of myself when Im sick!!! I wanted my mommy.

And I had to fight this flu quick, cuz I had a meeting / day trip to Manchester two days after (today actually) that I had to go to. Bad bad timing. So I slept. Lots. All day Monday and Tuesday, and during the taxi ride down to the Hotel on Tuesday nite (very key and valuable lesson from Noli to all, if you have a early morning flight before 7AM, book a nite at a Hotel near the Airport the night before. Must be done, the added comfort and convenience, its blows the mind.) Id have to say, its was the quickest recovery from a fever Ive ever done, I just got back from Manchester 2 hours ago, all safe and sound. Loads of effort though, and I was hopped up on so many drugs that I would of definitely been stripped of a gold medal if I were in the Olympics (Water Polo, beeyatchh). Anyways Id never do it again if I didnt have to, Id always prefer someone taking care of me instead. Without a doubt, there is nothing worse than having to prepare your own soup when youre out of your mind feverish. Might as well build a house with big heavy stones.

So there you go... lack of blog activity due to melancholy and phlegmy delirum. I still owe alot here too... 3month late on Open of the French photos... and now add Sydney to the list. Im digging myself a hole.

Obligatory Pop Culture reference:

one of my favorite songs this summer was ' Young Folks', by Peter, Bjorn and John (what a brilliant group name, just use your first names. Like Peter Paul and Mary, why fool with a good formula) Great tune, cute in a way thats its sung off tune, and I absolutely loved the lyrics..

"If I told you things I did before,
Told you how I used to be,
Would you go along with someone like me?
If you knew my story word for word,
Had all of my history,
Would you go along with someone like me?"

It just sounds so adorably desperate... like me... but its mojo got wrecked a little bit though when I heard today that its the new song for a Budweiser Advert. Shit....

Aussie Aussie Aussie Oy Oy Oy

Good things so far about Sydney in the Winter:

- Its sunny and 20C
- All girls sound hot
- Aussie Relish with Scrambled eggs are pretty good (on top of toast)
- They have Krispy Kreme here

Bad things about Sydney:

- my first meal was at Hungry Jacks
- I keep on turning on the window wipers when I want to signal
- most blokes are still lazy dickheads
- Vegemite still is disgusting

Singapore Changi

Phew... lots of time on my hands in Singapore, still about 2 more hours until my flight leaves for Sydney and all this free internet, whats a guy to do.. Might as well blog, huh, and make up for the sparseness and lacking of the past. Ill save the shopping for the return trip back.

My last blog btw was probably one of my fastest blogs ever.. I did the bitch in 12 minutes. Well I was under pressure, as I mentioned, I didnt want to miss my very important reflexology foot massage (which was chain-smoking-addictively sublime, goodnessgraciousme). In my haste however, I probably did not convey how much stress and pressure I was under. Its a tough life, mine. Suffice to say, if this was a work trip to the shitty side of India or maybe Beirut, or even say the likes of Arkansas, Id be like "Oh well, what can you do, sorry boss, cancel the trip, its a sign, maybe Im not meant to go. Look at the news? The worlds gonna end" In this case however, it was like a vacation, a jolly, like HAVING to go to Las Vegas for a work Convention ala Eric, or HAVING to go to Boston / New York to be a glorified drug dealer ala Jill. So I was motivated to make it work. And all the cancelations and news out breaks and public media crys to stay away from Heathrow was not going to deter me. I need to chance my arm.

And it was a rush... I intentionally checked into Dublin 4 hours early for the flight to Heathrow, with my flight being on hold until an hour before expected departure. I really didnt know if I was going to be able to go, waiting at the airport looking at and trading back and forth between the flight departures ticker and the Sky News updates every 10 seconds. And when the flight was finally reinstated (along with a chorus of angels singing Hellujah), only the 2nd flight allowed back into Heathrow actually... I found out I had only 1 hour to pick up my bags (Bags in Heathrow were not being transfered through for any flights that day, again because of the pompy british born plotting Terrorist) transfer from Terminal 1 to Terminal 4, and then recheck-in, with the new "nothing allowed on the plane except your clothes and your passport" policy, plus the full scale/full body cavity search of everyone through airport security (they grabbed my ass cheeks and unzipped my fly! Well unbuttoned because I had a button fly). It was the biggest line Ive ever seen, all waiting in turn, to be willingly sexually assaulted. And the airport was in complete chaos. CHAOS. I just needed to focus. And you know how when you watch news on tv regarding any huge "breaking news" alert or disaster, and think "wow sucks to be there and be one of those guys" and then move on and flick channels to watch sports or oprah while eating a donut? Well this is the first time I was completely affected myself. Im now one of those guys.

So anyways, as you know, I did make it to the Singapore flight (again along with a chorus of angels singing Hellujah). And I sent back a taunting email to all my non-believing coworkers. Some of the casualties... apart from having to check in my laptop and electronics and books, I also needed to leave my camera at home because I could not carry on, and there was no way I was checking in my SLR. Oh well... Plus no change of clothes to carry on, so I have been wearing the same attire for almost 2.5 days by the time I get to Sydney. Good thing for the swimming pool and multiple showers at the airport hotel, otherwise, Id have the sour milk smell of the homeless.

Some of the plusses though; again Im in South-East Asia... where the Macdonalds serves Milo! ( I dont know what it is but Milo in Asia is 100 times better than anywhere else) And hot thai sauce for french fries as well. Good times...

Heathrow

Dont know if youve been watching the news. My my my... why didnt I see this coming... and by this I mean Heathrow Airport getting a Terrorist Plot alert the same mutha-effin day I fly off to Sydney. The one trip that I REALLY look forward too in my 2+ years in Ireland, and stupid terrorists Plot foils me. Knowing my luck, which if it werent for bad luck I wouldnt have any, I should of seen this coming a kilometer away (metric system).

So I woke up this morning getting ready to pack, and then turn on BBC News, and then I see Heathrow in a state of alert and all flights cancelled. This is while Im packing my board shorts and tee shirts. Got a few calls from John and Fin and Murray at work, laughing at me because my trip was in Jeopardy... bastards (even though Id totally do the same). I had to try though... logic being that my flights are late enough in the day, and there would be no way airlines would be stupid enough to cancel long haul flights because of the logistical nightmare. I just needed to get to Heathrow.. which was the bigger problem... and my biggest pannick.. apart from the fact that no carry on luggage was allowed and that Id have to check in my laptop and .. gulp.. iPOD!!! Terrorist bastards...

BUT Im here in Singapore Airport now on a 14 hour stop over, by far the best airport in the whole world and the most ideal place to stop over. Just came back from a swim(had to buy speedos though because again I couldnt carry anything on), waiting for my reflexology foot massage, scheduled in 15 minutes, whilst surfing the internet for free here in one of the many superb lounges. Now only if Singapore can get rid of the musky too humid smell thats found everywhere (Korea -> kimchee... Singapore -> musty musky) Need to end this now because some Singaporean girl is waiting for me so she could oil massage my sore feet... its the least to expect on a stupid day... damn right.

(post editors note: speedos as in board short speedos. And one-use only cuz they were ugly grey with built in underwear)

Best Store in the World

Most people that know me, know that I take shopping very seriously. I dont lie, my hips dont lie, and I never lie about shopping especially. Its a part of me. You would also know, the eight of you that still acually read this thing, that I love shopping in London. Its one of the greatest places in the world for retail therapy. And, funny enough, at the exact same time the worst as well, since its so bloody freakin expensive; infuriatingly expensive.

Well this weekend Im in London again, for shits and giggles (Im absolutely loving the fact that I could conceivably visit the likes of Paris and London for shits and giggles... like, what a bizarre station in life. Who the frig am I?) And again I praise the shopping potential of this town, its un-freakin-believable. Let me praise one particular store individually this time; Selfridges on Oxford St. And I absolutely do not hold any punches by sayings its literary the holy grail of shopping. Its the mecca, its the Mt. Everest, its the Heidi Klum. Seriously it has absolutely everything you coud dream of, but unlike Harrods, actually hip and cool. If you could imagine a store that successfully combined every possible thing you could be looking for (Seven, Nudie, Bang & ofussen, Bose, Ted Baker, Miu Miu, Y3 Adidas, Tumi, Crumpler, Agnes b., Hummel, Ted Baker, Paul Frank... I could go on forever ) selling ,computers, clothing, books, elecronics, furniture, housewares, sporting goods, mountain bikes... but all with a hip and modern super chic bent. Any kewl brand the awesome side of Walmart, its there. It honestly does blow my mind everytime I get to go, its the coolest store in the world, and my most favorite store ever, with FAO Swartz in New York a distant second. Yep its that good.

And I didnt buy anything today. Spent 3 hours in that mo fo... and bough zilch for myself because Im Po... honestly its self inflicted masochistic torture. And feck ya, Im going back tomorrow...

Early Morning

Another snap shot that captures a brief moment in Nolis Irish life. Irritated to hell that I just woke up at 4:30am and couldnt get back to sleep... probably only about 4 hours sleep total... which now means ill be in PMS mode for the day. Im absolutely raging! Its 6am.. Thursday. Completely off my head pissed out right now, and all I could do is roll over and open the lid to my iBook.

Got nothing else to talk about really, its 6AM and Im lying in bed staring at the Ceiling. I should do pushups maybe. OH yeah... heres something, last week I was informed that there is a 95% chance I will be going to Sydney Australia in 3 weeks for work... which means day stop overs in either Kuala Lumpur or Singapore there and back as well... (Its 23 Hours flying to Sydney one way... youd need to break it up with a restful overnight in a 5 star hotel, purely for health reasons and correcting bloodflow... its a must. Health and safety first). I should really erase the last paragraph becuase the trip is not totally confirmed and I probably just jinxed it right there... but Im too lazy because highlighting and deleting the last paragraph will be too much effort as id have to prematurely manuver the trackpad. Ill just wear my underwear backwards and do a few eyelash wishes and prayers to baby Jesus later, that should be well enough reverse any jinxes...

Might as well go to the gym then... no choice now, it opens at 7am... which will definitely leave me dead tired and sleepy by lunch time. Until then Ill karate chop my pillow, and throw in a few flying elbows. Happy Days...

Only thing I can think of saying

Went down to Dublin to watch Superman Returns today. It was only the second cinema movie I got to watch this summer, and the last one was well over 7 weeks ago when I was in Paris with Kevin, where we watched Xmen III at Les Champ-Elysees. Kevin had a solid quote then "... this is wierd... come out of the theatre, just finished watching X Men III, and oh! look over there... Its the fuckin Arc de Triomphe..."

So thats the last time I watched a movie this Summer, which is poor, considering that I usually make a decent effort to watch loads of movies during the summer. Not that all summer blockbuster movies are noteworthy or even worth it, but but but, like playing beer league softball, it just seems like the thing to do. Watch movies. I was exchanging emails with Marty, he got onto the topic of which movies hed seen this summer, when I realized I hadnt really watched any lately. Huh. (thats what I thought to myself. Huh. A poors mans substitute for ambivalent bewilderment. I wonder how often Stephen Hawkins does that in the span of a normal Stephen Hawkins day. Huh.) Naturally, the reflex reaction then was to watch something, anything just so that I could maintain some sense of normalcy for myself; to make myself feel better about... myself. So today I went down to Dublin and watched Superman.

I should do these type of things more often as well cuz its one of the few things I can do over here that geographically warps me back home. Much like how Kev kinda alluded to above, movies are brilliant for transporting you back to home, no matter where you are. Its a dope way to trick your mind, and everyone thats done it would agree as well i think. Like when you are in a foriegn country and decide to watch a Hollywood movie in a theatre, for that brief instance, while you are in that viewing environment, you really honestly forget where you are. Ive watched a lot of movies in different countries, and literally I forgot where I was every single time. The lights go low so you can hardly see anything but the screen, American accents populate and carry through the room, and dark theatres look the same everywhere whether you are in Edinburgh or Singapore. And the only time I snap back is when the movie ends; you get up and leave the theatre, and everyone starts speaking French... or the lights come on and everyone looks Korean. Its like "where the feck did that come from?". Its trippy and pretty freakin cool. The most memorable one, apart from all the movies watched in asiany countries, was watching a midnight screening of The Two Towers with Linda in London. I was totally convinced I was in a Vancouver theatre when I watched it, because I was only on vacation in London at the time, and plus I had been so unbelievably excited about watching that movie, waiting for almost a year. But then the movie ends, and it hits me that everyone is raving about the movie in English accents and then later we get outside and its bloody Leicester Square, and we need to walk back to Picadilly Circus. I looked around like a dumbass during that whole walk back with Linda. (At least she had her sweet aussie accent)

So yeah.. Superman. It was okay enough... would only half recommend it, though. Need to watch the wind that shakes the barley next week. Although that movie probably wont work cuz its actually Irish.... oh well. Maybe Cars then. It just came out (stupid Europe).

(Post Editors note) I forgot, I did watch Omen 666 in the Theatres with Jo for shits a giggles on 06/06/06, but that didnt count, cuz that movie wass a non-runner. But it was fun in a way that Ive never heard a girl scream so loud in a movie and cry begging to leave only 30 minutes in, hiding her eyes for the last hour... Jill styles.

Thoughts on songs that were playing at Random on iTunes while I typed this post:
Ani Difranco - Untouchable Face... one of the coolest songs ever... with the word "fuck you" in the main chorus. Also a cathartic song to listen to when someone breaks your heart...
Eva Cassidy - Song Bird... absolutely best sounding song I have when playing on the Bose speakers
Sarah McLaughlan - Ice Cream... Sarahs ice cream is better than Kellie's milkshake
Beth Orton - Central Reservation... man i have a lot of chicks songs on my iTunes..
Supertramp - the Logical Song... thank Goodness for a change of pace... otherwise Id have to shave my head and become a man hating lesbian.
Scissor Sisters - Comfortably Numb... good follow up to Supertramp actually... its as if I was making a mix tape.
Ignition - R Kellis... this was our 2003 Las Vegas trip theme song. It shared the title with 50 Cent In da Club... good times.
Hysteria - Muse... my new favorite work out song. You know how there are those few songs where when they come on, you get animated and automatically turn the volume louder? Yup... on the list.
Robbie Williams - Angels... I dont like this guy as you all know, but its good song though...

Cute Babies Post

Hi. I want to introduce everyone to cute little Keira Lynn Mulleda, the daughter of Fred and Coleen (which in Irish is pronounced "Coh-lean" and when directly tranlated from Irish to English, means "girl" or "your one") Consider me the Irish Sesame Street...

And here we have Taylor Renee Cagampan, daughter of Zeb and Jen. I call her Renee though, because thats the way I roll, even though MJ will probably steal and use it too (biter). See that Man U jersey she is wearing? I bought that!!! ME!!! And the shorts. And the dry fit socks!! Cuz you know why? Im like the best Tito of all time.

... and then the Gayest Post of All Time

.. as a up...I dont even know what to say here...

Bad Bet

Um.. this bet is totally something my buddys Marty and Morris would have thought up and done... totally. I strained my six-pack laughing when I watched this the first time, with every song getting better....

Yeah I know.. more procrastination... yup this is how I do in Ireland on a idle Thursday nites..

World Cup Round-up

Comments on Quarter Final Results World Cup Deutchland 2006:

- In the rematch of the 1990 Final, zee Germans somehow beat Tony & Argentinas wedding. I dont get it... why? WHY? Why and how do the Germans manage to show up and contend for every World Cup, even though they have had a mediocre side for the last decade and a half? They manage to pull off the"more success with less talent" phenomenon better than the Bad News Bears and the Non-Teen Wolf basketball team combined.

- The Eye-tys demolished the Ukraines. No Contest. Its was like comparing Prada to Gap. The Azurri better beat the Germans in the semis... cuz I cant stand them making another World Cup Final.

- Ingerland lost on Penalties to the Portuguese... hahahaha. Surprise surprise. This game was over as soon as extra time ended, cuz Ingerland is absolute crap at Penalties... they cant win em, lose every single time they come to them and its become so bad over the years its grown into a collective national pyschological block and a well publized symbolic noose around their neck. The look in the eyes of English lads before taking their Penalties was priceless, its the same look you see on a guy moments before opening the results to his std test, because of unprotected sex with a Nigerian Hooker. Absolute horror, with a fair share of no confidence whatsover combined with a smidge of prayer. Basically a Vancouver beer league soccer team could beat England on Penalties. Hell a high school girls team could beat Ingerland on Penalties, as well. After 4 penalities, only one guy scored for England, and he was Canadian (Owen Hargreaves).

- Biggest upset and shock for me: Brazil playing absolutely shite, and France turning back the clock to 1998, playing crazy amazing, especially Zizou who must of took Viagra before the game or something. France had not played this masterfully in years, yet they pulled off two great games when it counted going against first my Spanish and then the World Champions. Im confident though that Les Bleu used up their Three free Genie wishes.. Forca Portuguese!

- If all things go right, this sets up a Portugal Italy Final. Oh My GOSH... East Van is gonna turn into the Gaza Strip..

Why do all good things come to an end

Still sorting out pictures from the trip.. not too impressed with the photos i took this time around, generally all around quite shit. Im workin it though.. workin it...

In the meantime, I have fallen in love with a new song... but it will never ever be released. Chris Martin Mr Coldplay collaborated on a track for Nelly Furtados new album. The two were just jamming in studio, Chris was providing support and just making things up as we went along, backing up Nell (we are pretty close, I call her Nell)... and it turned into what I think, is one of the best impromtu duets Ive heard in a long time... we are talkin Dolly Parton Kenny Rogers, Islands in the Stream quality here LOL (I kid, nothing can live up to Dolly Parton Kenny Rogers, except for maybe Celine Dion and Pebo Bryson, or Wayne Valera and Sidney Ramos, har har). The song was blocked from being released though... but thank josh for the internet.

Lemme know what you think. Download the unreleased track All Good Things... Nelly Furtado & Chris Martin, a better version than whats on the album.

Van Damage

You know those childhood arguments during Recess or sleep overs, where you would argue with your buddy who would win in a fight, Rambo (Sly) or Conan (Arnold). And honestly, nothing in the world as a 10 year old was more important or so contentious than who would kick whose ass, Sly vs Arnold, in a real fight. That stupid argument would go on forever. But me and my childhood friends knew the truth, Van Damme could kick both their asses at the sametime with one hand amputated and his shoe laces tied together "no problem". For a brief period of time, from 1989 to 1994, Van Damme was a God. And for a select few, like Wayne, Burt and my brother JR, he still is. Hell Burt and JR even learned to do the splits Van Damme style when they were 10 so they could do the infamous "Splits then Punch the nuts" super move, which instantly replaced the crane kick as the most impressive martial arts move of death of all time. But Im pretty sure if we ever had the internet back then and watched this clip, as developing children, it would of tilted our worlds and been as devastating as the time we found out wrestling was fake.

Van Damme is a Prench Backla

Dont Hassel the Hoff

Hooked on a Feeling



An oldie but Goodie with Mitch Michael Knight Buchanan. I love everything about this video, and hopefully by sharing the love, super hoff fan Dirk Nowitzki gets an Super Mario Invincibility star and wins the next two games by himself without ref help... starting tonight...

[Post Editors Note: Miami ended up winning in 6. I guess the Hoff is useless after all]

World Cup Weekend

Let me waste some time. Ill talk sports.

Maybe there is something wrong with me. This morning I was actually slightly tempted to watch the Japan vs Croatia match, which is the equivalent of watching the Tampa Bay Devil Rays play the Kansas City Royals. Like, really who gives a Kaka. Good thing I was only slightly tempted... I blogged this instead. Yesterday Ghana beat the Czechs and the Italians scored two goals against the US's none. Too bad one of Italys goals was into its own net...

Now I havent mentioned the Stanley Cup Playoffs at all since the beginning, probably because Im in a feeble position to comment on whats really going on. As Ive well documented in the past, NHL is as foreign as Polar Bears in Ireland, but I have to say that I am totally ecstatic that the Oil have pushed it to seven games and are on the verge of winning its 6th Cup. Unlike 2 years ago, where I vilified everyone in Vancouver that cheered for the stupid Flames during the finals, strangely I dont have a problem at all with cheering for the Oilers. Maybe its because I was a Oilers mini supporter during the 80s in the the Gretzky years and when the Canucks were ass wipe... and also I hold a strong grudge since it was actually Joel Otto of the Flames that ILLEGALLY KICKED IN THE PUCK IN OVERTIME OF GAME 7 against the Canucks in 1989 and went on to win the whole thing (since that time my opinion of the Flames have been on par with fresh Elephant excrement) But here is the best reason.... at the beginning of the Playoffs I went with a flier and put money on the Oilers to win it all. Daft at the time I know, but the odds were 50-1... and now I am one game away from being 250 euros richer... whoever said gambling was immoral? Go Oil GO!!!

I need to ease into this...

I need to stretch a little bit.. do a few proverbial lunges, back streches, jumping jacks... before I start blogging again... hence I go bullet point form...

-Holiday was brilliant. Bilbao Spain -> San Sebastian Spain -> Biarritz Prance -> Bordeaux Prance -> Paris Prance... Absolutely savage.. ill get more into it in subsequent posts with pics... but I need to stretch more still...its relief though to walk around now and actually understand what people say. As kewl as it is to be away immersed in a language you only have baby skills at, its even nicer coming back home solid in the knowledge of how to aks for a side salad instead of fries.


- Wayne made an obtuse comment yesterday on msn chat... that KT Tunstall sucks. WHAT?!! Then I remember this is from the same guy who counts "You can do Magic" by America and "Sailing" by Christopher Cross as iconic love songs, quite possibly two of the gayest songs ever released in history... so judge for yourself, as you will, on his musical acumen. KT's 'Other side of the world' and 'Suddenly I See' are absolute class, they are my early summer songs of 2006... actually the whole Album is dog licking his own balls good.

- Chatted with Jill too, and she said she doesnt eat Veras burgers anymore. YEAH RIGHT! Such a liar...

- Heading to Japan next weekend. A ludicris trip actually, fly / commute probably a total 24 hours there and 24 hours back in order to visit a customer for about 4 hours worth of work. What a joke. Its a jolly by all definitions... at least I get to go shopping in Tokyo again... if this was the late 80s Id be doing the cabbage patch.

- David Duval is on the leaderboard after the second round of the US Open. That doesnt surprise me so much as the fact that he still wears those old school wrap around Oakleys. Ques-ce fuck? Thats SOOOOO early 90s... I dont even think they sell those anymore. Get with the program Duval... no wonder why he sucks now.

- Good news bulletin #1: Eldrick Woods missed the cut at the US Open. Watch me as I do a Woods uppercut punch and hold it there (Ive decided to stop calling him Tiger. Although if I got a chance to name myself as a kid as he did, Id be Prince)

- World Cup started last weekend and its absolutely sweet that its in my own time zone. Dreams of actually attending a game are quickly fading though, ohwell. My pick: Espanyol. Other teams I like: Czechs Cereal, Forca Portugal, Diego Argentina, Giselle Brazil, Orange Holland. Teams I cheer against: the cocky Americans, the clock/knife making Swiss, the dull Germans and those English Bastards. And of course there is a soft spot in my heart for the Ghanians.

- Good news bulletin #2: Overhyped USA got hammered 3-0 in their World Cup opener against the Czechs... I just absolutely love rooting against the Americans in anything. They cant even win the worlds in basketball and baseball, so realistically what chance do they have in soccer. Consider themselves lucky they are not facing Ronaldinho Robinho Adriano Kaka Cafu & Fred. Itd be 56-0.

- Anne-Marie sent me a gorgeous pic of their 6 month old baby Tyson. I LOVE this pic (Tyson Palma, now there is a name. Its like Steve McQueen)



- okay this is my first post that I completed 100% on the shitter. I need to light a match.

Prince Abecia

Je suis Napolean..

Okay one quick post before the end of the month... havent been around cuz Ive been travelling, still in Paris actually, but will be back home soon. Needed to post this, just so that I would avoid having the dreaded single post for May... bonsoir... hasta luego... Ill be back soon with stories of Kev unknowingly picking up gay french black bouncers in San Sebastian... bueno times!

Suddenly I See

- Just got back from a week in Sweden where I spotted some rare red headed chunky swedish girls. So that throws away my theory that they are all blond and fit.
- KT Tunstall. She should be getting airplay in the North America now I think, and I cant help but enjoy her music over the last year, she has a Folksy Vanessa Carlton/Dido/Sheryl Crow thing going. And people with Initials for names are always cool, especially chicks.
-My advice, coming from recent experience: Never use the term "this is going bad, its all gone pear shaped" in front of someone that actually is pear shaped. Bad form...
- Only one more week until my buddy Kev comes over for European Vacation Version 3.0. He flies into Dublin next Thursday and come Saturday we fly down to Bilbao Spain. And then after that its all up to the wind, we have 2 weeks to make it to Paris, however which way that appeals. The climax is then going to the Open of the French at Roland Garros and gawking at Maria Sharapova and yelling out "Agassi sucks!!" even if hes not there... good times, great craic.

Orange County

I stopped watching the OC half way through the 2nd season. We grew apart is what happened, after the lesbian scenes there was no where to go anymore. And the best character on the show was Anna... and they let her fly off to bloody Pittsburgh because she prefered it to southern california... so yeah, no realism there whatsoever.

So I stopped coming to the table... the food didnt taste as good as it used to, and they probably got daft enough to start using tabasco in their Curry Dish, which is like commiting an act of symbolic incest (I worked on that line for a good a month, btw, you better appreciate it. Im doing a Hulk Hogan ear to the crowd right now...) OC was almost off my radar, until yesterday, where out of nowhere I found out Anna had quit her job as an assistant at James Camerons production company and is coming back to the OC. Annas BACK. What will I do? Lost and 24 are building to a crazy climax, Sopranos have come out again, Entourage is ready to reload in the next few months... Earl and Crab Man are still making me laugh, really I dont have any time (or more like download bandwidth limit) for the OC... but with Anna? Tough call... Samaire is the best ever.

So ends another pointless post about TV related characters. {Noli does a Soccer-player-style over-the-head clap to the crowd}



PS I should name drop Marty more often, hes funny when he "retorts", anybody wanna hear about the time when we were gambling in a Casino in Monaco?

Suri

Ugh...

I thought I could do it, I thought I could pass this week without commenting on the newest celebrity baby and the tornado of gossip that surrounds. (And I think you know which baby Im talking about... Katie Holmes and Chris Kleins.. err.. Tom Cruises. Which is preposterous; Tom Cruises has a Hollywood gun, it shoots blanks) In the end though, there was no way I could avoid celebrity gossip as good and personal as this, especially when its an addiction. Im a sorry git.

Katie has always been one of my favorites. Back in my post graduation year of 1998, Dawson Creek season one came on TV (the best single season of all time for pop culture dramas, all time i say) and so did Katie. The shows dichotomy premise of eloquent dialogue and vocabular maturity mixed with naive adolescence was fresh, unique and it rubbed off on the actors that played them, especially Katie. I loved that season, J Crew clothes and all. But the biggest rub on Katie was that she possessed a knee buckling doe-eyed smile where her nose would wrinkle, and sometimes, she would bite her tongue between her teeth, too. And that gets me every single time; puddle of room temperature jello. Any girl that could do that while looking at me, Id end up immediately buying them a house. (UBC Girl on Lost has the same smile too) So when she started kanoodling with this Tom Cruise... I was absolutely shocked. This was bad. OJ bad. Whitney Houston bad. Image of the Prophet Mohommed in a Danish newspaper cartoon bad. Marty going to the dry cleaners and picking up his blouse bad.

Ive decided though that Im still giving Katie a pass, cuz its not her fault. She got pregnant, which blew the whole authenticity of the relationship out of the water from the get go. Thats where Toms phantom weapons of mass destruction scheming screwed up becuase there is no God given way we are to freely believe that Tom is capable of producing offspring. Like he was married to a hot Australian for over 10 years, and all they could do was adopt two kids. Plus he's gay, he doesnt even dig chicks; there is a reason for the underlying homoeroticism in Top Gun and for Rob Thomas being on his cellphone quickdial. So this baby thing is all a ruse; the facts are waterproof and the internet doesnt lie. So I give it 29 months before Katie comes to her senses and publishes her tell-all book, which is going to be so mindblowingly good. Dwayne Wade good. Kenyan in Boston Marathon good. Jessica Alba "Into the Blue" good.

random trippy moment

About to sleep. 1:08 AM. Channel 4 UK, Album Chart Show. Richard Ashcroft singing live (dude from The Verve / Bitter Sweet Symphony). Hes wearing a People Power Philippines Tee Shirt. Color Yellow. WTF? I want that... where did he get it... maybe from his nanny...

Canucks are the best

Im glad Im not in Vancouver right now. SO glad. This way, missing the playoffs doesnt really bother me as much. Being seperated by one continent and an ocean does wonders for compromising loyal attachments. Calgary in the Playoffs. Two words I dont like together, Calgary and Playoffs, especially when its seperated by the preposition "in the". Im sick to my stomach, no doubt, but just like 20 mins after Wendys, I go to the bathroom, and its gone.

Its all about the World Cup anyways. Go on Ghanians!!

notes, rapid fire

- Watched Ice Age 2 last weekend. Fell asleep.
- Gnarls Barkley, "Crazy". Download it.
- Britney Spears in no longer sexy. Pass it on.
- Put down 10 euro on 1-80 odds Sergio would win the Masters. 10 euro gone.
- Put down 10 euro on 1-66 odds Mike Weir would win the Masters. 20 euro gone.
- Put down 5 euro on 1-100 odds that Steven Ames would win the Masters. 25 euro gone.
- Put down 5 euro on 1-33 odds that Rocco Mediate would win the Masters. 10 minutes later, he records a 10 spot on the 12th hole. 30 euro gone.
- Put 2.5 euro on 1-80 odds that Tigers Woods would come back after being 6 back on the 15th hole, a bet which ensures that he loses. Money well spent, I hate Tiger.
- Put 10 euro on Inca Trail to win the Grand National, the biggest steeplechase race in the world. Lost another 10 euro.
- My friend Josie, picks the winner and the runnerup. What the Feck!
- Internet Gambling is deadly. Im never gambling again...
- I love that 24 is on every week without breaks for reruns. Absolute genius.
- Bauer is going after the President of the United States? Cant be topped.
- Speaking of.. Lost will go on a 3 week break after tonight. Talk about losing youre mojo.
- Im in love with the girl who plays the First Ladys Assistant on 24 (Sandrine Holt)- She is the Banana Ketchup of Condiments.
- Girls with hooker boots are starting to tuck in their jeans to them, as the new fashion. Like what the? First Ugs now this bullshit. This is the female equivalent to dudes rolling up the bottom of their jean ankle tight style.
- Only 1 more month until my next vacation.
- Going to the French Open so that I could listen to Maria Sharapova grunt.

Blah

Sorry about the April fools day thing. Well, no Im not, I take that back, I thought it was funny... I had no idea so many people would bite. Like, it is, after all, April 1st lads, caveat emptor. Its the only day in the year where I ever lie.

Not much going on, just got back after 2 nights in Dublin... but you remember how I just got an iTunes Express? Well thats already gone. I forgot it today at the Dublin Hotel, feck sakes. Im so absent-minded its disgusting, and the only reason why I brought it down was so that I can test if I could set up a wireless internet connection in the hotel room. Good news it turns out yeah no problem, wireless all thumbs up, but also I left it plugged into the wall. Son of a whore... I hope this Fitzwilliam Hotel (class hotel by the way) is an honest outfit and "find" it for me. I did after all restrained from stealing the robe this time.

But thats it, not much going on, just fuming right now. Gave up chips/fries this year for lent. Im doing so well, so far. On three seperate occasions I got a burger and PROACTIVELY substituted the side of fries with salad. Theres certain people I know that dont have that kind of restraint.

Coming Home

This maybe the end of an era, and possibly as a result, the near end of this blog. Yesterday I gave my one month notice at ABB Ireland. Ive decided to move back to Vancouver, and accept a new job offer with a mechanical consulting company for the Vancouver movie industry. It just seemed like it was time for me to go. Where I will find material to write about now, who knows, but the Irish leg of this commentary is quickly coming to an end. No doubt though, it has been a blast.

Ill write a little bit more later to sum up my time here... theres still some time left for that and there are some postings left in me still. Until then... Ill be starting to look into what car Im going to buy when I get there... Fun!

[Post Editors Note: Check the Date... April Fools]

Comfortably Numb

Its a bit delayed that I write about it now, but last Saturday I went to Dublin to watch Pink Floyd in concert. What? Now before Adam drops his purse and pees his panties, it was Australian Pink Floyd; tribute band. Wierd I know. I paid good money, 40 euros in fact, to watch a tribute band. Thats something I never thought Id ever do especially for that kind of money. Tribute bands by definition are really only just specialized cover bands, so normally there would be no sense in investing yourself in an act thats not even the real thing. People are strange though, and it was somewhat of a surreal experience. Before you pass judgement... hear me through.

Two of my coworkers are Pink Floyd freaks. They grew up in the 70s, so fair enough. And for as long as I could remember (which is about two years, the time I joined the office), they have been raving about this Aussie Pink Floyd tribute band. "Brilliant! Brilliant! Brilliant!" They repeated the facts over and over: only tribute band with 6 semi-trucks for equipment, since they had purchased the stage sets from the last Pink Floyd Division Bell Tour in 1994, making the whole production sorta "blessed by the pope" in a way. They are the only tribute band to play for a real member of Pink Floyd , hired to play by David Gilmour to play at his 50th Birthday, and regularly endorsed by David Gilmour himself. Also they are very very very good at playing Pink Floyd songs, which is kinda essential to the whole thing. And last Saturday they were coming to Dublin again. Unknownst to me, this was kinda of a big deal.

It was such a big deal that Cyril bought his tickets 5 months ago. 16 of them. This completely blew me away, that people would go so crazy for a show that was essentially fake and bring everyone along with. But at the same time, it really intrigued me, and when one of Cyrils tickets became available last minute, I wanted to see what this was all about. I had to.

The concert itself, It had a wierd feel to it, like I was entering a girls bathroom by mistake for the first time; everything looks kinda the same, all the essentials are there, but you know there is something not quite right. It was packed house first of all, completely full at the Point Theatre, the premier performance venue in Dublin, seating some 8,500 or so, every single one had an ass in it. And with big crowds there was a definite buzz, a buzz that I was sort of rejecting because, again, for the millionth time, its only a tribute band. The buzz is that feeling of anxiety and excitement a crowd gets right before a big performance, a shared collective that produces a palitable energy and audible frequency, you feel it and hear it. The best example would be like the thousands of people entering a Canucks playoff game or an England vs Argentina World Cup match or a massive U2 concert or even the world premiere of "Deuce Bigalow 2: European Gigalo"; everyone has the exact same butterflies and goosebumps, knowing something big is about to happen, live right it front of you, and cant stand the anticipation. Thats the buzz, and I was rejecting it because I didnt think it belonged here. The stage, too, was looking all impressive; lights lazers, 40 ft circular projection screens, and a 35 foot inflatable blow up pig with glowing red eyes. Hmm, these guys know what they are doing. And when the gig started, with the lights and the screens and the music synced Pink Floyd patented lazers (the LAZERS!!), and the thousands of fans going crazy, youd actually think it was Pink Floyd playing. They were that good. They played every big song letter perfect, and with the lights and lazers blinding you and distracting you, you easily get lulled into an actual Pink Floyd experience.

This is what I figured out though... the best way I could describe it, is that much like wrestling, its sort of self delusional entertainment. You pretend whats going on is authentic, and everything is created to make it seem as authentic as possible even though in the back of your mind you know it isnt, and Paul "Mr. 1nderful" Orndorf is not really driving Tito Santanas head into the canvas. But you dont give a shit and enjoy it anyway. Thats what these Irish fans, and I guess Pink Floyd fans around the world are left with as the only option. Because if you blurred your eyes, especially during Wish You Were Here, then I swear its the closest to the real thing, youll ever get, which for me is good enough. Especially considering when there is absolutely no chance that the real Pink Floyd would ever stand up and play again together because they hate each other so much (Not including Live 8, which was an exception because that was for charity, and Bob Geldof pulled a Tony Soprano on them)

And I was surprised to say, even going in with so much skepticalism (not a spelling mistake), that I really enjoyed myself. Not 40 euros enjoyed myself, mind you, but hey whatever. Everyone loves a good live cover band.

Standard of Living

There have been three momentus changes in my life recently. All three have had an enormous impact on my well being. I am now better.

1) AirTunes. I have combined the excellent pairing of Bose Companion 3 Speakers with Airport Express to give me true wireless music via iTunes in my household. True, the technology has existed for almost two years, but I havent had the opportunity to scratch that itch until a recent visit to the Bose candy store made it undeniable for me (Damn you Bose and your sweet sounds audio products!). So now I have merged two things that Eric and I have been talking about for ages... Wireless music + Bose Speakers. Its crotch grabbingly exciting.

2) The George Foreman Grill. Who would of thunk? Sure its the punch line to most jokes, but this infomercial gadget is brilliant. My roommate brought it back home from his parents place, and we have been racking up the mileage ever since. Whats not to like? Its an indoor grill, it makes cooking healthy by draining all the goodness away, its quick cooking by grilling on the top AND the bottom, its quick cleaning, it makes a mean-ass Panini, and it gives your food those ultra cool looking grill lines. All that from a sandwich maker tilted on a slight angle.

3) Abercrombie & Fitch Boxers. I recently bought a handful of this ginch and have been thoroughly impressed. I say its the most exciting underwear Ive personally experienced since the "slightly exposed G-String" revolution amongst able females. Great material, excellent thread count, good absorbtion and breathability, no chafing, its just such good quality! Its even a cut above my Burberry boxers, which is saying quite alot. It might well be on its way to joining Satin boxers in the Holy Mosque of Boxer Worship. (clarification, not AS exciting as the G-String, because quite frankly thats impossible, but most exciting SINCE... there is a difference)

St. Patricks Day #2

-Last weekend my friend from Vancouver, Kathryn, came to visit with her mate Julie, an unexpected out of the blue last minute visit, the kind that surprise you and energize you at the same time. I was still in the Oklahoma / Texas/ Arkansas triangle at the time when I found out, but it was awesome that schedules worked out, so she came over to Dublin just when I got back. It was some savage craic, but it was just too bad the the Six Nations Rugby match between Ireland and Scotland was on that weekend, because when these things happen in Dublin, accomodations disappear quickly and treble in price (I like that word, treble... it amuses me) And as a result there were thousands of men in plaid burberry skirts in Dublin that weekend. And as Julie and Kathryn found out, not so much underneath either.. yucks. Just disgusting. Im dry heaving now.

-Second St Patricks Day in Ireland in a row yesterday. This is going to wreck all future St. Patricks Days for me from now on, after I move away from here. The craic is insane mighty and since Im in Ireland its actually a Stat Holiday. No work, bitches. It was brutally cold though, all the more reason to stay inside in the pub. And it seems there are no health codes or fire regulations in Ireland because they just freakin pack you into the pubs, like sardines, especially on St. Pats. Literally, its like a mosh pit. Good when you are beside pretty girls with skant clothing. Bad when you are beside a Kilt wearing Scottish guy with no underwear.

- Got a new Video iPod. Now I can watch Karate Kid anytime I want. I rule so much its mind blowing.

- On a related note, I just heard there is a new Video iPod coming out soon, with a fuller size screen. Typical. Whenever I feel better about myself with something new, Karma kicks me in the nuts.

- On thursday and today, Saturday, I got saved by the best thing ever (Didnt include Friday, cuz its St. Pats Day). Its called March Madness on Demand live video streaming, on ncaasports.com. (Duke all the Way) All this time I thought I had no chance to watch the College Basketball Tourney, but then I found this out and went crazy ape shit, like Chuck Norris whenever he sees Steven Segal. And its FREE! (Duke all the way) and I get to watch whatever freakin game I want. Like right now for example Im watching Yannick Noahs kid dominate in the Florida / Wisc. Milwaukee game. Im so excited to know he has dreadlocks too... and a gap toothed smile. I guess you can have everything that your dad has, except the shortcut tennis shorts. (Duke all the Way)

Dont Mess with Texas

Quickly chiming in from Debbie Does Dallas. Im here for the weekend instead of Oklahoma cuz Oklahoma sucks. Pardon my cajun french, but its true. Stupid Hornets arent even playing whilst I was there.

Now Ive only been in Dallas once before, very briefly, but now that Im staying a whole weekend, I can judge it better. And after just one nite so far, this is what I think: I have to say that Dallas must be the California of Texas. My analogy, dont steal. I figured this because: theres actually not that many accents here or not as bad or exaggerated as other places, theres very westcoast-ish feel in they way they do things, girls dress westcoast style, good diverse base of restaurants, representation in every major sport league, and I dont know... it just gives me that vibe. Dallas, it aint shabby. Of course now, Ive havent ventured much further than the Deep Ellis and Addison areas, (which are kinda hip/posh)... but I like to leave with that impression, and generalize. Its so much easier that way. PLUS... girls here are Gorgeous. OMG. Maybe that has something to do with it too.. maybe... just a little bit. And you know how you stare at cute girls when they pass nearby? Well here they stare back. And smile. And say, "Hi how ya doin?" which then leads me to then respond, very cooly... "baaaa.. arahgh phhhft bffftt"

BTW... got a Inifinity FX45 for a rental car, which is easily the sexiest, tea-baggin vehicle I have ever driven. I actually feel like a better person. I do. And I will continue to, until it comes time to fill out my rental car expense report.

Its a nice day for a... Billy Idol..

Its a well known fact that girls start planning their weddings when they are like five years old. As soon as they crush on that first cute boy thats not yucky like the others, it starts. And the ideas and concepts become clearer and more refined as they get older. Barbie / My Little Pony / Care Bear designs and Chuck E Cheese venues make way and evolve into lilys, carnations, roses, white silk / beachfront ideas. See I know this as a true undisputed fact, and having said that, I dont even get girls at all. But this I know (along with all of them being crazy and evil).

Guys wont admit it, but we kinda do it too. Well not so much the wedding in general, but only the specifics that interest us. My buddy Wayne, for example, has selected his starting lineup of Best Man and Groomsmen way back in Grade 12, and has stuck to it like peanut butter and jelly. It aint changing. And there is no respectable hetero dude that doesnt start formulating ideas about the ultimate stag nite. Ideas of golf at pebble beach, karting around the Indy 500, and partying in Las Vegas, Mexico, Ibiza and Amsterdam are the ultimate goals of any true best man. And here in Ireland, the stage nite is taken as a true fine art... with the model being that there must be a International site stag nite (eg Hamburg, Madrid, Edinburgh), a National within Ireland Stag nite (eg. Dublin, Cork, Galway), and a local home town stag nite. Three Stag nites! Another fine example of why the Irish are brilliant.

So I wont apologize then when yesterday I spent about 4 hours trying to think of the ULTIMATE "Intro" music for the entrance into my wedding reception. This was a very hard pick. I whittled it down to a list of 5 possibilities, and this is what I came up with, all being introduced by my Emcee, Michael Buffer, of course. Download the songs so that you know what Im talkin about.

• Pixies "Here comes your man" ->good catchy guitar riff, happy music; this is a good strutting and nodding with a shit eating grin type song... and an easy chorus for everyone to sing along with.

• 2001: A Space Odyssey Orchestra theme -> Id have to come out walking really slow with arms pointed to the roof.. this would require a Ric Flair robe as well.

• U2 "Where the streets have no name" -> Reasons are threefold: 1) It has one of the most recognizable electrical guitar riffs, intro band beats of all time 2) The Canucks intro to it 3) Im practically Irish now.

• The Cure "Close to Me" -> Well this is my favorite song of all time. So I have to put it in. Original version, with the trumpets and flute, no stupid remixes.

• Intro Chicago Bulls Theme -> Like... as if this doesnt make your spine tingle? "Starting at guard, in his 12th year, from Nebraska University... number 52 Eric Piatkowski!!!"

Its cant miss thunderous applause.

Winter Olympics

Its now the second Olympics I get to watch in Europe, but since the Irish dont have much of a Winter Olympic team, (cuz when it does snow, the whole country practically shuts down), then theres not really that much coverage on television. I think the best efforts of the Irish Winter Olympics team this year in Turino was some dude who finished 88th in the Biathalon. BBC still has some decent coverage fortunately.. and since the British dont have much of a team either.. then its actually nice when they skewer the attention to other commonwealth countries that actually know what they are doin... ie Canada... and also Australia in Aerials (but thats it, no doubt under the influence of Whistler) Now, I know I ripped the English during the Athens Olympics for being overly dramatic and completely sensationalistic, BUT it actually sounds not too shabby when these pompy English annoucers start cheering for your guys. Of course they still focus on the british hopefuls that barely miss the spotlight, comin in a respectable 4th in bobsleding, or 5th in 500m short track, or getting a silver in skeleton (National Hero!!) but who cares just as long as they are trumping up Clara Hughes and Cindy Klassen as well. And get this, I got the Irish guys in the office to cheer on the Canadians, too. Thats all my doing, thats all me... Canada's daily Olympic accomplishments are actually watercooler material in the mornings at an Irish company. I rule.

One poor showing has been the hockey Coverage which hasnt been broadcast live often, and when it does, it sounds like the play by play and color commentary are being done by some amateur pulled off the street at random. They have no idea what they are freakin talking about, driving me mad, again all in an English accent no less, and mispronoucing every players name. Personally I dont think its that hard to say Iginla or Lecavalier. A horrible job. I was in Sweden though when I watched the quarter finals when Canada lost to Prussia, Czechs beat the Slovaks, Fins beat the Americans and Sweden demolished the Swiss. At least then, I watched those games in Swedish, which was way better.

BBC did come out with this gem,

"Kovalev who has more moves than a Madonna video"

so bad its good...

So Team Canada lost yes... which sucks. But what can you do. Thats what happens when you let someone like Bryan McCabe on the team. He brings everyone down to his level... he is cancer... Stupid Maple Leafs...

Starting again

And then I started writing again. (According to literary rules, you can not start off a sentence with a conjunction. BUT like most other reknown literary writers, I rebel) I havent been compelled so much lately to blog, a valley period. Blogging somehow migrated to the choir list when I got back to Ireland; like cleaning the bathroom, washing the dishes, or watching a chick-flick with girlfriend. Or in the case of Yankee Alex Rodgriguez, being clutch. Completely my fault, I fell into a lull (well not completely my fault, this is what happens when I dont get any christmas gifts for my list. Im not letting that one go.. nuh uhh). I always felt a bit guilty though... and I just had to start writing again. The problem was that I couldnt think of much to write about; well there is stuff, but I didnt know how to spin it or twist it so that it was funny or exciting or memorable. And the whole deal with this blog is, from my very first post, was that Id have to try to stay entertaining and influencial. There is nothing more banal than a blog that doesnt. Then again I could always try lying. Luckily I never lie, right Jill?

So maybe Ill just jot down random shite... my patented short cut easy out... and Ill try to keep more frequent as well (how many times have I said that?) One caveat though, I have built in excuses for the next two weeks, cuz Ill be in Sweden starting tomorrow and then Oklahoma City the next week. Dont hate if I dissappear temporarily again... Ill be busy listening to ABBA and then watching the displaced Hornets..

- you know you are in a Louisiana ghetto neighborhood when.... you see a 1994 Chevy Cavalier... with 18" chrome spinners.

- the Holiday Inn I stayed at when I was in Louisiana just recently moved out all the relocated New Orleans residents that were temporarily staying there on Government assistance. Before they moved in, every hotel room had a fridge and TV. Now? Uhh.. not so much.

- Eva Green has joined Virginie Ledoyen on the hallowed podium of hottest French girls ever. Just watch the Dreamers. Wow. Movie sucked.. but with her in it, holy kamoly..

- If you havent heard of it already, I highly recommend visiting www.Pandora.com and the Music Genome Project. Its one of the best sites since www.google.com and www.myfreepaysite.com. Its that good. Try it, itll quickly become your personal radio, and is quite possibly the greatest innovation to music listening along with iPod and iTunes. My radio stations so far: "Arctic Monkeys Radio", "Damien Rice Radio", "Bone Thugs-N-Harmony Radio", "The Bravery Radio", "Death Cab for Cutie radio". It covers all my musical bases and is the best way to discover new music you might like.

- Speaking of, Marty and Morris... for new music, if you havent already, check out the Arctic Monkeys. Pretty rockin, I likem...

- Kid Rock and Scott Stapp (yes that mofo singer from Creed) have a sex tape coming out. Uh... Ill put that on the "will throw up and poke my eyes out if I ever see it" list. Its like the complete opposite of Paris Hilton...

- Ive been waiting for the next best British comedy since The Office. And I think I finally found it... its a show on Channel 4 called the IT Crowd. Too bad you Canadian / American suckers will never even see the light of day of it.. ha ha!

Kathy Ireland

Hey guys... back in Dundalk now for about a week, and its been a great change in weather. Its actually been quite sunny here. Vancouver was absolute bullocks during December / January; obscenely wet.

Watching the Superbowl at the mo. So this going to be a weak post. Quite possibly my weakest ever... sorry... (I always wondered what that would be like)

BBC Radio One

Ive been away from Ireland for over a month now... and after the forced duration of listening to the shit which is Vancouver radio (OMG, I got tired of the same songs playing over and over again on every Vancouver station, in like 3 days of being there... holla if ya here me, peeps), and after getting confused by my cluelessness of Louisiana / Texas / Arkansas / Mississippi radio... Ive realized that Ive been really really really REALLY missing listening to Radio One every morning. The breakfast show with Chris Moyles is absolutely brilliant...

if you dont believe me... take a listen to this little tidbit... - on chinese takeout.

L to the Muthafuckin OL...

PS... Still eating well. Had a fried shrimp Po Boy today... nutritious and delicious..

The Deep South

Blackened Catfish Creole. Deep-fried Crawfish tails. BBQ Jumbo Shrimp. Aligator and Chicken Gumbo. Bread Pudding. Im in Nachitoches, Lousiana; it rules. Freakin no wonder why almost everyone here tips the scales at over 300lbs, or has cute girl F.I.T. syndrome(Fat in training, think Britney Spears, post baby... I see these girls as often as Rainbows on Davie St. Such a shame really) But yeah... the food is profoundly G. U. D., gud. Next I think Im gonna try grits... whatever that is.

I do get the stares though. They dont know what to make of me, the wierd asiany dude in the Adidas track jacket and PF Flyers. And I feel like in some movie, like ... I dont know... The Waterboy. Ive always thought these forced accents in Hollywood were exagerations... but nuh-huh... hells no... accurate as digital callipers y'all.

Other than that... I kinda feel like Im in Prince George... ie... Full size trucks are the only acceptible mode of transportation. Only difference of course, here, an over abundance of Lil Jon clones..

Stockholm Syndrome

Let me start off today with a hypothetical... if one of your friends started ti, inexplicably, rock some new style, like a porn moustache or acid wash jeans, for example, you would probably say something right? Like "Dude, what the feck are you thinking?" or better yet "You rule!". Thats what good friends do, youd think.

I bring it up because Ive kinda played an experiment myself this past few weeks... since New Years Eve Ive been sporting a faux-euro-mullet. Longer in the back styles, noticably. And heres the thing, no one has said shit... complete and utter ambivalence, it boggles the mind. I mostly did it to fool around, as a self dare, to one up Marty on his chickening out from the Bruce Lee Haircut attempt. No one has said anything though... It must be that I make this shit look good.

Still Here

Hi. Happy New Year.

I was suppose to fly back today.

I missed my flight though.

YES.

In the span of 30 minutes yesterday morning, due to work issues, I went from going home to Ireland, to staying and fly to Japan from Vancouver.. to going home to Ireland again, to finally flying to Louisiana from Vancouver in a couple weeks. And the week aint over yet... things may still be shuffled still.

Major hauls for the Xmas season: Lost Season 1 DVD, which I already have, so will trade in for Sin City and Into the Blue, aka, the Alba package (Alba in a bikini for an ENTIRE movie, are you freakin kidding me? That shit sells itself. If it werent for Brian O'Conner's involvement, we are talkin 100 Million plus blockbuster, easy. ). Really disappointed though that I went a "O-for" on my Christmas wish list. No cashmere socks, no tumble time tigger, no nothin. What a scam... what a total scam. Its not like I was asking for much. So I take it back, all women are nutjobs, across the board, no doubts, sprinkled with a dash of evil {Haha.. nervious laugh.}

I did get my Ride Havoc 159 though... with the Transformer Metroplex as deck art. I may be the biggest poser ever on a snowboard, by far... but really isnt it all about lookin fly? Like if your going to be a poser.. do it full tilt. The more you suck at something, the more overtly lookin good and decked out you have to be. Thats my rule. Im like the personification of Hongerized Honda Civics...