Round mound of rebound

I love Charles Barkley. I piss my pants when I hear what he sometimes says with his blunt -I dont give two shits- savoir faire.

So here I am sharing some sound bites from the past few years: shits so funny yo.

Filipino Proverb of the day: Laughter is the brush that sweeps away the cobwebs of the heart so wear a smile wherever u are but don't smile kung iisa ka lang dahil iba na yun (if you dont understand, tough luck, ask a friendly neighborhood filipino to translate, except Magtanong cuz she doesnt know her shit either)

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• On a TNT telecast a few years ago, Kenny Smith was going on and on about his two championship rings. He said that, in a show of appreciation for their efforts, he gave one ring to his father and the other to his brother because "they were the ones who helped me get them". Charles quipped, "You should have given them to Hakeem."

• On a Vegas golf course...
Tiger: I hear they're going to build a new Super Kmart here.
Barkley: Yeah, where?
Tiger: In the space between your ball and mine.

• Charles Barkley: "I'm so sick of fat people."
Kenny Smith: "Why? You can't live with yourself?"
Barkley: "First of all, they killed Oreos. You know they can't make the Double-Stuff Oreos anymore because fat people can't keep their mouths shut. Now they're killing the McDonald's super-size. Can you believe that? Just because fat people are lazy and don't work out and can't keep they're mouths shut, they have to ruin it for everybody. They'll probably kill ice cream next! Is that my fault they can't stop eating? I'm so sick of these fat people suing these companies. Stop eating!"

• "I don't think there's any doubt. Anybody in their right mind knows I'm the best forward in basketball. Well, the only person comparable to me is Karl Malone, but his body is so different from mine. Even my wife loves his body, and that's the main reason I say I'm the best. With a body like that, he is supposed to be awesome. With a body like mine, I'm supposed to be a couch potato."

• During the '92 Olympics: "Christian (Laettner) is going to be the strongest man in the NBA next year, because all he's been doing all summer is carrying around the luggage for 11 guys."

• During the Bruno's Memorial Classic Pro-Am: "Cat [Reddick, a female soccer player] was fantastic but when you lose to a woman, it means you suck at something. There are two times when you know you suck at sports -- when you can't beat the women and when you can't beat the smart kids."

• Ernie (to the panel): In one word, who's gonna win the Heat/Hornets series?
Michael Redd: Miami
Kenny Smith: Toss-up
Barkley: That's two words, stupid!

• On Kevin Eubanks being a vegetarian: "I don't trust people that don't eat meat. Hey Kevin, you know what the difference between me and you is? When I die, I'll die because I was eating bad food. When you die, they'll say 'wooo that Kevin, he as dead as Charles'"

• At the 1990 game, the Eastern Conference All-Star team was surprised when Charles Barkley raised his hand in a pregame meeting and said he'd like to sketch out a play for the opening tipoff. "This is one we used when Moses [Malone] was in Philadelphia," said Barkley. So Barkley stood, took the chalk, went to the board and drew four players running back to defend their basket. "That sumbitch NEVER won a tip," Barkley said as everyone cracked up.

• On the olympic sport, curling: "I'm still trying to get my grandmother off her old behind and into the Olympics. Why not? She can dust."

• Ernie: What's the Knick's problem right now?
Charles: They no good.

• I know why his name is DMX. Because his real name is Earl. Imagine if his name was Earl the rapper?

What are you drawing?

When I come across something particularly memorable or fascinating, I feel like I have to share. And I laughed for a solid 10 minutes after finding out about this... holy shit, ligers are actually real, national geographic says so here.

Other than pretty much being, of course, Napolean Dynamite's favorite animal... mix of a lion and a tiger, bread for their skills in magic... Gosh!

And speaking of mixes, be sure to go out and watch Rob Schnieders, Deuce Bigalow, European Gigalow, the sequel to one of the funniest movies of the past decade. This is cant miss, Im telling you. Its gold. Rachel Stevens is in it, too, playing Louisa, the Dirty girl... Quite simply the most gorgeous part-flip girl ever.. aint no party like an S Club partaaaaay... gosh!

Seoul Glow...

Well after the Japan trip, I surprisingly find myself in Seoul again, a little side trip at the last minute, being sent here due to my immediate proximity, more than anything else, extending this panasian trip by another week. Personally I dont mind, cuz the Hotel they setup me up in is the absolute bomb, Lotte World in Jamsil Seoul Korea. This is how good it is, they have Aveda products in the bathroom. To guys this probably means nothing, but to any females right now, they are probably blurting out a spine curdling "WHAT?". Suffice to say, I will be coming home with something like a thousand little bottles of Aveda All Sensitive Moisturizing Lotion, Energizing Body Cleanser, and a mix of Rosemary Mint and Shampure Shampoo and Conditioner. To be honest, this stuff meant no nevermind to me before, but after a few days of use, I am totally sold, cuz my hair has never been so bouncy and manageable. So everyday Ive been taking the bottles before they clean my room, so that they would have to replenish with a new set. Over a week, thats going to add up. Im probably going home with a total value of $100 in product! Im so "new money", its not even funny.

And as another bonus, through Eric's brilliant lead, it gave me a great opportunity to get my laundry done at the hotel as well. And I am absolutely ecstatic that I did. Seriously, my clothes have never ever ever smelled this good or have been this soft, absolutely worth the $80USD to get my laundry done (well worth it to me anyways, cuz bottom line, I dont even have to pay nothing, haha). Truthfully, I walk around now, glowing in the fact how good I smell, strutting around like Morris in a wrestling suit, or Wayne in a european 76 track jacket. This leads me to firmly believe that everything is so much better when you let the right professional do it for you... cooking, coffee, washing cars, and now laundry.

And lastly, a quick shout out to MJ, who I just found out, started her new job this week as my brother's secretary.

Konichiwa mofo...

I cant believe Japanese people sometimes. I maybe guilty of stereotyping and racial profiling, but screw it, Im mad, and I think the Japanese just have no consideration for people like me. A prime example is this recent trip to Fuji City, Japan for work. As per standard business customs, ABB is very grateful of our business arrangement with various companies, and in this vein, I put in a lot of effort to provide “thank you” gifts to the 3 customers I visited, namely 3 boxes of Irish chocolates, and 3 bottles of your best Irish Whiskey; 12 year Select Jamieson, 12 year Redbreast Whiskey, and 12 year Select Bushmills. Only the best. And I probably don’t have to tell you, three bottles of whiskey and three boxes of chocolates are freakin heavy. But this is the service you should expect from me. I only hope for a little consideration in return. It was late when I arrived in Japan and by the time I was greeted by my Japanese counterpart, I was starving and craving sushi. CRAVING. I was SO looking forward to this. Matsui-san, after checking into the hotel, then asks me if I wanted to eat, if I was hungry. He had to be kidding. Hells yeah I was hungry, I looked at him as if that was a rhetorical question. “Okay, I take you to nice restaurant, Noli-san” I was absolutely beaming, again after some 4 months of going without (last time was my previous visit to London), I was absolutely looking forward to this; authentic Japanese food. And imagine my luck, I was in Japan no less, so my expectations were off the scizzle. I should of known however, given my life's infinite string of dissapoint, where Matsui-san would take me for my first ever 'in Japan' meal. Mutha-fuckin Dennys. DENNYS! I didn’t even know there was a Japanese Dennys. Un-freakin-believable. If you really want to get a guy to jump the couch, take a sushi addict, move him to Ireland permanently where there is NO sushi, then tease him with the prospect of going to Japan, and once arriving in the land of the rising sun, take that sorry ass to Dennys. So wrong. So SO wrong. So many elements of wrong that I cant even count. An absolute punch to the gut, a kick to the groin. I felt like someone just broke up with me, and I had a sour face on the whole time, even though I had to feign that I was copasetic. Absolutely the most terrible burger and fries meal I had in my life. Screw you Matsui-san. What an asshole, I don’t care if Dennys had bubble tea to appease me in some small way. Screw you. I wanted to break that bottle of Jamieson over his head.