Run, Fatboy Run..

I got dupped. I got swindled. I got kanoodled. Tricked. Pressured. And Im so nervous now, because in some sort of delusional logic, when I was not thinking straight, I got 'convinced' into running a 10K race, by Jill and Lisa. During a vacation period I might add, when I should be shopping, eating and gallivanting.

We will all be in New York on 31/08/08, the date of the Nike Human Race, and they decided we had to run it. New York, in which I expect extreme muggy conditions with 110% Relative Humidity, because this is going to be New York in August. Not quite so much the perfect running conditions or for me, more likely the perfect conditions for death by accelerated dehydration and oxygen deficiency and lack of cardiovascular aptitude.

Now I realize a 10K race is easy peasy Japanesy to some, and I fully understand and recognize that. But not to me. I want to let it be known that I am a terribly horrific runner. Always have been, always will, and I loath running because I have bad feet, which goes tag team along with my infantile lungs. Its just so much harder for me, Im a self diagnosed handicap in this regard. Like back in High School, starting in grade 8, when we had to do cross country running, I was one of the kids that always finished later, almost missing the start of the next class period, along with the fat kids and the prissy girls group. So therefore I hated, H8 ED cross country running during PE. It was pretty much a couple levels higher than gymnastics and square dancing. When in grade 10 and the 'speed walking' alternative was introduced, I celebrated to the high heavens and the holy cow, because i wouldnt have to run ever again. Little did I know, walking was hard too, but not nearly has devastating as running. Simply Im just obsecenly bad at running, and I wasnt even jealous of those that were good at it. I figured if I had enough speed and endurance to run after a bus, then thats all I would ever need.

At least then, as a kid, I didnt have bad feet. Now I do. I discovered this about 7 years ago when I started running again, mostly out of shame and osmosis because I was living in Kits Point at the time, and people were running by me on the beach walk, like ALL the time. I wanted to belong, which fed into my substantial insecurities, so I started running a little with Neil. Ended up being okay with it, until I prematurely ran a 10K around False Creek which subsequently shattered my poor feet. I wasnt quite ready for that distance yet, and as a result I couldnt walk afterwards, and any further running after that day produced sharp pains up my leg, kinda like the lightning bolts travelling up bones like they illustrate in the cartoons, but in this case, for real. Thats how it felt. It was like a broken glass in my foots. And suffice to say, that was the second and last 10K I ever ran. It was even the last 1K I ever ran. So as you can understand Im afraid. Im opening myself up to permanently injurying myself and requiring surgery... some might say that Im being dramatic, but given my history, I say there is a chance, so dont mock. I like walking painfree, you see. I dont want to give it up.

Smug Jill. Shes laughing now, because she runs 10K in the morning before work. Lisas definitely going to kick my ass too, even though she says she gets bored with running like how I do, she at least is active and possess atheletic abilities. ME? No.. not so much. It wouldnt be so bad either if we decided to do this 10K with like 12 weeks of training, so that I could at least build up my weak feet,and gain a chance to run a decent time, in the 50+ minutes, sub 60. This is after all a race, running 10K is not really an issue for me if I jogged the whole time. However, we only decided last week, with the race only a mere two & half weeks away. With almost no time for training, theres no WAY Im running under 60 minutes now, especially if the training regiment the 4 days prior while in NY will involve just a bunch of restaurant eating, shopping, Yankees game watching and loads of drinking. As a result since this is a race with published results, Ill have no pride left, itll be found on the ground, next to my post race vomit. I will lose to two friends and a clock. Now if only it was kosher to run slow and finish this in the rear pack again, with the fat people and senior citizens.

So if Im in crutches in 3 weeks time, because the bones in my feet imploded... you'll know who Im blaming.