NYC

So here I am arriving at JFK Terminal 7, After midnight. Whenever I arrive at any new non-previously-visited airport, (or bus stop or port or train station for that matter), and I don’t have any prearranged plans for what I will be doing once I walk through that last door, I tend to get a little anxious/nervous. There is a tendency for things to race through my head when I get no love, and nobody is there to pick me up. Don’t know exactly where to go or what to do; have no idea where the taxi rank is, where bus is, which bus takes you where you want to go, where the train or light rapid transit is, or how to even pay for said ticket with complicated ticket dispensing machinery. And hell most times you don’t even know which way is bloody North. Arriving in JFK, and it being past midnight, its not a reach to say I had preoccupying thoughts. Usually, when backpacking and arriving at weird times in a unknown place, I try and look for the next lone cutie girl with a matching backpack, play dumb and try to team up. Strength in numbers, confidence builds, you get a new bestfriend, even if it only lasts 2-24 hours. This time I have luggage though. And no girl. Wont work this time. The only option left was employing my emergency “Act like I know what Im doing even though I dont” mode, but honestly I was way too tired for that. The plan was very loose in its interpretation, and all I had to do was get to my hotel. I was taking a blind leap. Luckily, nice Mr. East Indian man was right at the gate and personally asking everyone if they needed a Taxi. I was tired, so without even thinking I went with him.

Nice Mr. East Indian Man: “Hey man, hows it going man? What a nice night. What a NICE night.”

Me: “yeah… pretty Good”

Nice Mr. East Indian Man: “How was your flight? Where you going man? Follow me, I got a GREAT car for you”

Me: “Great”

Nice Mr. East Indian Man: “So where are you going, where do you want to go man?”

Me: “Im going to the Park Central Hotel. On 7th Ave”.
I mustered up enough energy to say this in my ‘act like I know what Im doing even though I dont’ voice.

Nice Mr. East Indian Man: “That’s cool man. Okay not a problem. Yeah yeah yeah, I know where that is, brutha. Follow me this way, man.”

He started leading me towards the parking lot, the opposite direction of the taxi-rank. At this moment I realize that this is an unofficial mini-cab / private-cab. Or it could be a predator, picking up plunker tourists. Its quite possible Im going to be murdered.

Me: “How much is it into Manhattan?”

Nice Mr. East Indian Man: “$67”

Phew. This is my out. I don’t feel like being murdered later. Me in full-on ‘act like I know what Im doing even though I dont’ mode now: “Woh. Dude… that’s too much. Im grabbing a taxi”

Startled Mr. East Indian Man: “Woh woh woh… wait wait wait man. Its late at night! You wont get a cab… there’s not that many cabs anymore”

Me: Actually I don’t say anything, I just keep on walking to the taxi rank.

Desperate Mr. East Indian Man: “Okay okay okay… you pay $60. Lets go.”

Me: “That’s still too much” I keep on keeping on.

Desperate Mr. East Indian Man: “Okay okay okay… how much you wanna pay? How much?”

Me: “$45”

NMEIM: “$45?”

Me: “Hey that’s a good price.” I keep on walking.

NMEIM: “Okay. Lets go.”

Me: I turn around and start following him. Stupid stupid stupid.

NMEIM: “Alright, alright. Comeon this way. Its not much money. I got a nice car you see, you understand why. And its very late, very late man.”

Me: “Well Im just a student you know. Don’t got much money, gotta save for beer”
Man do I ever love misrepresenting (not the same as lying. I don’t lie. I never lie), especially misreping as a student. Its such a reflex reaction when Im bargaining for anything. Who cares though, this guy is going to slit my throat later anyways.

We get to his car, and it ends up being a big ass SUV exactly like the one Tony Soprano has. Ohmygod… hes definitely driving me to New Jersey and burying me in the forest now. Surprising Im still putting my luggage in the back. Stupid stupid stupid-head. Who am I right now?

NMEIM: “Okay man… relax sit in the back. How about this though. Help me out… $45 is not much money, and its late. How about you wait here for just a moment, Ill be real quick, and get someone to join us?”

Im soooo going to be on a milk carton.

NMEIM: “I just want to pick up another fare. You will be first, I promise but I just want someone else to pay another $45, to help me out… there is a lot of space… whaddya say man? $45 is low for late night”

Me: “Whatever.. go ahead” Who the hell is speaking for me?

NMEIM: “OhhKAY! Great… Ill be really quick man, really quick. Ill be back in no time”

I must be insanely tired because despite the slightly sketchy situation, Im being pretty aloof. Its like someone slipped roofies into my Gatorade. Im realizing bad things can come of this, I know it in my head, I am in New York after all, but its I got no senses left. I just wanted to get to my hotel.

Surprisingly though, and luckily, a real fare did come back with him, not Jeffrey Dahlmer, his sicko cohort.

NMEIM: “Alrigh. Alrigh.. Im back… I got another student to come ride with us… Alrigh… guys lets go… lets roll”

It was a young latino dude with a Wall Street accent who looked even more tired than me. I never actually found out what my cab-mate’s name was, so on this blog lets call him Pedro. Pedro was nice enough, it turns out hes a recent grad from Rutgers, now working for some investment firm in New York. And he just was coming back from New Years in Vegas. There was plenty to talk about here. Nice Mr. East Indian Man then started off, and started blasting his Punjabi MC music. Gorto dance music… I couldn’t help it, I quickly started doing my dangly wrists Indian music moves in my head. At least I think it was in my head. Anyways… continued talking with Pedro… things were going good.

UNTIL that is, while during a short lull in the conversation, and Nice Mr. East Indian Man grooving to his tunes, I noticed NMEIM snort from a vial of Coke!!!! What the fuck? Did I just see what I saw… maybe Im just tired. But there he did it again. And again! And again still. Everytime speeding up faster and faster. Somommabitch. I spoke too soon, Im still going to die, but this time from flying off the Brooklyn Bridge in a out of control speeding truck. Im in New York, its after midnight, and I have a coke head East Indian driver driving 100 mph to my hotel which I haven’t the faintest clue where (even though I pretend I do), in Tony Soprano's SUV no less, with Pedro, who just admitted he succumbed to hookers at Ghost Bar. I rule!

Suffice to say I made it to the hotel eventually… although the Soprano-mobile had to come to a screeching skid, when I pointed out to coke-boy that we had just past a building that said “Park Central Hotel” on the front. Good times.

Other random Notes about New York:

- I love this town. No other place I can think off, except maybe London, where you can just walk and walk at random and constantly come upon landmark after landmark or infamous places that you recognize from TV or movies. And you can do this alone for days on end and never get tired of. Like one time, I was walking across the street from the Ed Sullivan Theatre on Broadway, home of the Late Show with David Letterman, when I just noticed I had walked right in front of BAD BOY INTERNATIONAL. Dude, Making the Band 2! Its P Diddy’s headquarters, and get this, this was timed exactly when Biggie’s Hypnotize came on iPod. Surreal.

- Speaking of iPod, everyone in New York has an iPod. Everyone! Not once did I not see white ear buds on someone listening to music as they gallivanted about, its was just as common as North Face puff jackets and stupid Ugs boots. Well, I exaggerate, I did see one CD Player, but she looked like a loser anyways.

- Central Park is funny. At night, nobody goes in. In one of the busiest town in the world, one that remains relatively lively all through the night, they have a park that no one enters its borders after dark. Its like the forest from the Village. I walked to its outer rim one night, and all around Central Park there was pedestrian traffic. Inside though? It was dead still, with only bums and hiding rapists, apparently. I said fuck it, Im walking from Central Park West to Central Park East alone in the dark, I dont give a shit. So I did it. Although my hoodlum radar was working overtime, and it was a spirited speed walk. Again, I rule.

- Time Square is freakishly neon and electrics… just awesome. But also full of picture snapping tourists. And I had to try this: go to the middle island and play “Two Become 1” Spice Girls on iPod, the whole song. Think the video. Had to be done, had to be done. I smiled like a retard during this.

- Because I was comparing to Dublin prices, shopping on Fifth Ave. was actually affordable, and in some cases quite a bargain. Almost bought a pair of PaperClothDenim jeans… almost.

- Usually I pride myself on my sense of direction in department stores… but in Macys NY, it was so unbelievably big, I got lost in that mo fo. I couldn’t get out of womens clothing and lingerie… just couldn’t find a way out it kept going and going. ARGH!!

- A two hour lineup is never worth it for anything, even if it’s the Empire State building.

- Ive always wanted to skate at Rockefeller Center in front of the big Xmas tree. Until I found out its was $17 for half a hour. Plus $8 dollars for rentals. Plus all the rentals are figure skating skates only. Hells NO Im putting on figure skating skates. Straight blades and toe picks, no thanks.

- For all its grand cachet, Wall Street is surprisingly short and narrow. Its like a European style road.

- The SNL stage area is PUNY. Size of my kitchen, almost. So is the Dateline set, with Stone Phillips, and the NBC Newsdesk with Brian Williams.

- No matter who you are or how long ago it was, visiting ground zero for the first time is eerily sobering. You just don’t realize it until you get there.