Suri

Ugh...

I thought I could do it, I thought I could pass this week without commenting on the newest celebrity baby and the tornado of gossip that surrounds. (And I think you know which baby Im talking about... Katie Holmes and Chris Kleins.. err.. Tom Cruises. Which is preposterous; Tom Cruises has a Hollywood gun, it shoots blanks) In the end though, there was no way I could avoid celebrity gossip as good and personal as this, especially when its an addiction. Im a sorry git.

Katie has always been one of my favorites. Back in my post graduation year of 1998, Dawson Creek season one came on TV (the best single season of all time for pop culture dramas, all time i say) and so did Katie. The shows dichotomy premise of eloquent dialogue and vocabular maturity mixed with naive adolescence was fresh, unique and it rubbed off on the actors that played them, especially Katie. I loved that season, J Crew clothes and all. But the biggest rub on Katie was that she possessed a knee buckling doe-eyed smile where her nose would wrinkle, and sometimes, she would bite her tongue between her teeth, too. And that gets me every single time; puddle of room temperature jello. Any girl that could do that while looking at me, Id end up immediately buying them a house. (UBC Girl on Lost has the same smile too) So when she started kanoodling with this Tom Cruise... I was absolutely shocked. This was bad. OJ bad. Whitney Houston bad. Image of the Prophet Mohommed in a Danish newspaper cartoon bad. Marty going to the dry cleaners and picking up his blouse bad.

Ive decided though that Im still giving Katie a pass, cuz its not her fault. She got pregnant, which blew the whole authenticity of the relationship out of the water from the get go. Thats where Toms phantom weapons of mass destruction scheming screwed up becuase there is no God given way we are to freely believe that Tom is capable of producing offspring. Like he was married to a hot Australian for over 10 years, and all they could do was adopt two kids. Plus he's gay, he doesnt even dig chicks; there is a reason for the underlying homoeroticism in Top Gun and for Rob Thomas being on his cellphone quickdial. So this baby thing is all a ruse; the facts are waterproof and the internet doesnt lie. So I give it 29 months before Katie comes to her senses and publishes her tell-all book, which is going to be so mindblowingly good. Dwayne Wade good. Kenyan in Boston Marathon good. Jessica Alba "Into the Blue" good.