The Hillary Effect

Imagine the moment when Hillary Duff, up and coming 'It' girl, with a blossoming movie career, blossoming pop music career ("Let the RAIN drop down, and wake my dreams"), a new teen idol icon clothing line "Stuff by Hillary Duff", and a highly successful Lizzie Maguire TV career, found out that her arc-rival Lindsay Lohan, suddenly, almost overnight, got impressive C size breasts. Just imagine, cuz before, Lindsay only had mild success with a movie remake, Freaky Friday. But after that precise moment, suddenly Lindsay is taking over; first she starts appearing on all the teen magazines proudly displaying the new big 'uns, and then her hotter than hot movie, Mean Girls, comes out, the outright success of the early summer movie season. And THEN she parlays that into hosting the 2004 MTV Movie Awards, where she displayed dance skills as awkward as Jessica Simpson's dance routines. But still, she was hosting the MTV freakin movie freakin awards; I tell ya, thats big time yo, definitely 'A' List type stuff. And quicker than a cats ass, shes getting offered 7-10 million dollar movie offers, becomes the female Ashton Kutcher in terms of overt media publicity and attention, and also gains the eye of the Enrique Iglesias of Young Hollywood; the guy who plays Fez from That 70s Show. Hillary subsequently struggles to stay in the public eye, her movies pass by without a word and she falls quickly to the mid-to-low 'B' list. Hillary must of been FUMING mad, sporting a 10 out of 10 on the scale of scathing evil eyes, having to live through this constant reminder. Lindsay, her enemy, had just past her by to mega-super-duper-supreme-stardom-with-cherry-on-top, without even flinching. Hell, Lindsay even did something very un-PC and called people "retarded" on record in the media, and didnt even get into much trouble for it. Picture the resentment that Hilary built up during this turn of events, further compounded by the fact that the switcheroo happened during just a few but highly eventful months, beginning no sooner than early 2004. Its the type of malcontent that could boil water. Well now try and capture this raw emotion and try to relate to the deepth of Hillarys extreme pain. Try to grasp it. And now if you take Hillary's state of perpetual furious anger, mutiple that by 3 or 4, and thats how mad I got when I found out my new car got a dent while I was parked in Belfast. SO mad! Like I just got it! Sommabitches... theres no going back from this, ya know, its a permanenet ugly scar. Whats a guy to do? I started throwing wild punches.

Well what can you really do, actually. At anyrate, Im a little okay now. As Mr. Miyagi taught me, breathe in, breathe out. Very important.

Moving on other things, Im a little embarrassed with the delay, but Id like to point you out to a new website, www.jenniferandzebedee.com. Two of my good friends Jen and Zeb got married two weeks ago in Vancouver and Im really sad and dissappointed that I wasnt there for it. Stupid Ireland.

Congratulations you two... and I'm slightly excited cuz I hear their first boy, whenever that will be, is going to be named J! for Jay!. hahahahahaha... (inside joke)

Congratulations also to Portia and Glen, who, incidently, got married on the same day as Jen and Zeb. Surrey represent! yeh...

And uhh.. who else... hmm... congrats to Anne Marie, she just had a birthday!